DEAR 2017 FUCK YOU.
You were quite possibly the most abysmal, disgusting, disappointing, disenchanting, disillusioning, dysfunctional, dystopian year. Oh you know what you’ve done. You started out ever so shy and unassuming, but you rocked the boat so much we were collectively puking in our barf bags. And you know what?? Thank fucking god. It was the best and worst thing that could ever happen to us, them, me.
Only a few days remain in this epic fail of a year. Politically it’s a nightmare around the world, and more so in the United States. People are suffering more than ever before, and there seems to be a collective confusion about everything that is surrounding us. Yet despite all that, I must sit down and be brutally honest, not only with myself but with you my dear, loyal and amazing readers. This was the worst and best year of my life. I began it with a notion that things could be better, and I was greeted with slap after slap after slap and a bunch just in case I had any other positive ideas. At some point I felt like I was in a 10 round fight with Muhammad Ali. (What an amazing boxer huh?). In the end of it all, I must confess I am finishing the last few days of this rotten year with a far different and revived image of myself and the world around me.
Things that happened in 2017
I met a man who thought he could destroy me emotionally and mentally, ( hah! think again ). He made me doubt myself, he publicly humiliated me again and again, he wanted to pull a handbrake on my spirit and push me over the edge, but quite honestly he did me a huge favor, cause when you hit rock bottom and an asshole is pushing you further down; you wake up to the fact that you’re the only strength you have. Then you get up and walk away, walk off the court and NEVER look back. I learned the hard way to put my self first. I have since met many beautiful people through this journey; some of them gorgeous men of incredible honor and stature. One piece of shit man-child allowed me for the first time in years to see my value to honor my body, to enjoy flirtation, truly love again, and to open my heart and be loved, all thanks to my shitbag ex. THANK YOU
I was harassed by my Greek family online and continue to be dragged in the Greek court system by my two uncles and aunts who for whatever reason think I give a fuck about them and their petty little lives. I now cherish my immediate family, a few chosen relatives, and my friends more than any other time in my life. People who stood by me over the years have become closer than my “blood” family ever could. The unbreakable bonds I’ve built with friends in Greece and the U.S are stronger than ever; you know who you are. We continue to love each other, console each other, grow with each other and are show up for each other. You my dear friends ARE my family and always will be. I cherish you to no end.
I saw the inside of a hospital emergency room three times and visited countless doctors. I suffered so much pain I thought I was going to die. I hit my head leaving a noticeable scar on my face; and now I find it to be the coolest thing about it. I underwent an abortion 8 weeks into a pregnancy that tore me apart. It broke my spirit like nothing and no one ever has. I decided to speak about it publicly and on this blog; connecting to amazing people who supported me, and showered me with their love in ways I can’t even describe. I connected with other women who’ve gone through exactly what I went through. Despite my lingering pain, that never could have happened If I had not gone through this path, no matter how devastating and difficult. Undergoing this procedure was a way of connecting with my mother and my trusted friends who were there for me every step of the way. I have received more love than any one person can handle; I am eternally grateful to all who were there for me. My health and my body have now more than ever become a vehicle for my expression and my steadfast commitment to health and wellness. I will continue to grow and develop a new holistic view of women’s bodies and health because of what I went through this past year.
I reconnected with an old love… after 18 years of not speaking. My old College boyfriend and I spoke after many years of silence. I never thought in a million years that I would ever see him again or get to meet his amazing loving and beautiful wife and children. He is a great man with a gorgeous family. His wife and kids are now part of my extended family and I love them all dearly. My old beau, who is now my dear friend; has lifted my spirits though the deepest gutter of my sadness and I’m glad 2017 brought us together again, even through the darkest of times.
I fell in love with New York… again after very determined plans to leave her. She all but pushed me out her doors in 2017 when I came to a stark realization that for now this fucked up city is my home, thanks to two very special people who have showed me their view of this metropolis like no one has ever done before. My Daybreaker family is part and parcel of this insane city, and getting up at 3 am to meet them and be part of their lives and they part of mine has been a gift unforeseen three years ago. Yes, I miss Greece like hell; I will go back one day, but for now; NYC is my home. I share my love of New York in my writing, and will continue to do so in the next year. My new friends here are my family and my life has become all the richer for it. New York as crazy and frustrating and overwhelming as it has been in the past five years, is also be warm and welcoming and loving in ways unimaginable to me a year ago.
I write more and more in my blog each day. 2017 has been the year I’ve truly dedicated more of my time to writing this blog. Writing poetry, writing prose, and sharing my thoughts with a wider audience almost every week. I’ve stood on stage and read my work, I’ve shared my moments with more friends who are far away, who resonated with what I was sharing, and I’ve received lovely feedback from incredible people. My writing experiments have been published on other blogs, and my short stories are slowly becoming a big part of my creative process. I have been continuously writing this blog since November 2012, and I am committed to growing and developing this in the years to come.
THANK YOU all for your support over the years and for reading my ramblings.
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