To be a man

I’ve heard a lot of high minded stories of how women should act, how women should behave and what requirements we have to adhere to in order to keep their man. We are judged on our makeup, our walk, what we wear, if we smile on the street, and if we keep our man “happy”.  We are to please men’s gaze because that’s our job, that’s what is expected. We are seen ultimately as helpers, caretakers, mommy figures despite our accomplishments, our intellect and our professional successes. We are everything to everybody and in the end leaving nothing to ourselves. And this got me thinking, what is it to be a real man? Do the same rules apply, and what are those rules? It seems that very little emphasis if any is given to how men should develop their emotional intelligence leaving much to be admired, in self centered, narcissistic and misogynist behavior that I’ve seen too much of recently. Men with all the love in  my heart, grow up, wise up, and get a grip.

So indulge me and let me flip the script. For those who so quickly pass judgement without looking in the mirror, and take a moment to ask yourselves. What of manhood?

I wanted to share my observations over the years but most recently, this past year:

  • For those who know me, know that I appreciate a man with his feminine side intact, and his masculine side fully developed.
  • A man, who’s hat is tipped slightly to one side and who doesn’t ride like a brute through life. (aka take time to notice the world around you)
  • A sensitive, self assured, knowing man who’s life isn’t about how much pussy he’s licked, or how much money he makes, but how he’s dealt with his fears, kicked his ego to the side, and is present in all aspects of his life.
  • A man who can raise the bar for all men, and be seen as an example to emulate rather than one to avoid. (we know far too many of the latter)

Those men are not a rarity, and let’s be clear, you ain’t shit if you talk a good game, and can’t back it up with actions. You can’t insult others in your path, demean others who you don’t agree with, and degrade women who for whatever reason didn’t give you what you wanted, and call yourself a good person, leader, father, man. That’s an oxymoron.

It’s not manly to call out the shortcomings of others, but all the while pushing out your pent up aggression, insecurities and tragic lack of self awareness for the whole world to see.

That isn’t manhood, its buffoonery.

We have too many examples of those men, to last a lifetime. Let’s raise, uplift and appreciate those who don’t fit into that category. So here is my little poem about a man that inspires me.

Thank you to the real gems out there, you know who you are. Thank you to the men who remain steadfast to their beliefs,  while empowering, uplifting and encouraging others to reach their potential.

Thank you.

—————————————————————————————————————————————–

There is man who makes me smile, 

a man who cleans that gunk off the tile.

And with his gaze lifts me uplifts me onto the pile of fresh laundry he’s been meaning to fold.

There is a man who can be bold

A man who doesn’t do what he’s told,

but dreams hard and thinks for himself

who doesn’t leave ideas to wither on the shelf.

                                        ***

There is a man who knows he doesn’t have it made just because he fucked me

A man who doesn’t let the passion fizzle and drizzles that extra special sauce I like,

Because he knows that later I’m gonna make his hair stand on end…

                                            ***

There is man who can’t wait to kiss me

And doesn’t diss me because we differ in how we drink our coffee

There is a man who is always proud

Who doesn’t have to talk out loud; he whispers,

Little nothings in my ear, the way I like to hear.

                                            ***

There is a man who sleeps next to me and gives me bear hugs in his dreams,

Who wants to scream out loud and tell everyone how proud he is of his woman,

Rather than complain and act all ashamed because of the little things that make us different.

There is a man who loves to listen rather than chatter endlessly about his “superiority”.

There is a man who says more in silence than a thousand words could ever do.

                                            ***

There is a man who sees the scars, smiles and looks up at the stars and says:

“I love you because you’re perfect for me. There is nothing I can do but be….with you here, and now”

There is a man who when the time comes sits next to me and without saying a word,

takes me in his arms, and whatever bothered us up until that point

disappears.

                                            ***

And If I am frustrated with life, and it brings me to tears?

He’s there to figure out the stupid shit with me, dispels my fears and insecurities because sometimes,

It just takes a smile and a deep knowing that he has my back no matter what.

                                            ***

There is a man who will get me out of my rut.

And looks to me to help him if he gets stuck

There is a man who isn’t afraid to wear flowers.

Because a man who is strong isn’t afraid to show his powers…

with flair.

                                            ***

Here is a man who deeply stares in my eyes and without saying a word

takes me by surprise and lets go of any disguise and is real with me.

Shedding the petty little lies that are the demise of the beauty within us.

                                            ***

I know a man who makes me smile

And all the while knows deeply how wonderful life can be

With me.

 

And a little tune to keep you going:

Neneh Cherry- Trouble Man

 

Eleana Kouneli

A former dancer, yoga teacher, curious traveler and wild soul. My fuel and desire is to learn from people and to spread healing and joy as I go. Follow my adventures and see where they lead you! All the stories are true, all the poems are real and all the writing is mine. Enjoy

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