Category: Growth, development

Day 3 & 4 Aging Challenge Challenged Part 2.

How to deal with an aging body- not just an aging face.

Age ain’t a number at all. The changes we undergo on the surface like the wrinkles, the grey hair, the change of our outer “look”; is only part of the complex and quite revealing aging story. I’m not talking about getting old, because we all grow older; that’s inevitably what occurs to our cells after our bodies reach their apex; but building awareness, and becoming wiser, not only mentally but also in terms of how our body works or doesn’t; alludes us.

The folly of youth affords us the illusion that the body is going to last and carry us forever; on the other hand the wisdom of age brings with it the understanding that the body will carry us as far as it’s able, and as far as WE carry it.

As we age, we have to contend with a whole new set of rules; mentally, emotionally and physically. As our body undergoes the slow and then rapid process of aging, we can’t afford to be aloof and callous; so we have to find ways to understand and communicate with our bodies in ways we may not have imagined. As a young athlete and practitioner of yoga; I did pretty much everything my body allowed me to do, and whatever it didn’t do naturally, heavy handed adjustments took place. I loved them. I loved being pulled placed, and adjusted. Over the years I found that deep adjustments needed superior knowledge and listening abilities from the teacher as well as the student. Having been in, and as I continue to explore both of those roles; I’ve started to approach my personal practice and teaching in much more well rounded approach.

knowing what our limitations are is key to aging well versus growing old.

Our Bodies tell us things all the time. They change temperature when fighting the common cold, pain and how we react to it plays a vital role to understanding our nervous system, and hormones play a very important role in how we feel and react to the inside and outside world. What happens when the muscles start to fail us, or when old injuries we had long forgotten come back to haunt us? Our bodies take many beatings over the years; it’s no surprise that the well oiled machine we may have relied on in our youth, is taking its sweet old time in middle, and in old age. Yet with all the “limitations” our bodies face as we get older, and the time we need to recover and heal may be far longer; with that comes a deeper knowledge of how to cope, manage pain, create space for our bones and muscles to become stronger and live a life based on quality not quantity.

Folly gives way to wisdom and communication is key.

These are some of my go to “body listening” techniques that have helped over the past few years.

  1. Meditation- I can’t say enough good things about it. Quieting the mind and connecting with our breath is probably the most important tool for aging, stress, anxiety and a host of ailments that come with an aging body.
  2. Exercise- Endorphins rule. Weight training, yoga, stretching, swimming and any body activity that doesn’t cause further damage. As much as I love more physically demanding exercise regimes (and I’ve participated in a lot of them) some of them do more harm than good, and knowing when to stop is probably the hardest lesson to learn when you’re physically active.
  3. Change of diet. This is probably one of the most important aspects to understanding aging and the body. Anyone who wants to slow down, and or manage aging and pain has to take nutrition very seriously. Diet and super food fads aside (no more KALE!) a proper nutrition consultation is key to managing and caring for our aging bodies. Diner consisting of four dry martinis and a pizza isn’t really a healthy meal.
  4. Body work, acupuncture, pilates, yoga ( again).

Change is never easy and witnessing our bodies as they age can be a very difficult reality to compute. I for one plan to keep this engine running for many years to come; but knowing what our limitations are is key to aging well versus growing old.

Στην υγεία μας.

Cheers

Santé

What have you noticed about your body over the years and what have you done to adjust, manage and live with its many changes over the years?

Day 2 – Delayed Gratification

Having to wait for something makes it ever more enticing.

I’ll start with the “textbook” analysis of Delayed Gratification:

Pleasure is central to our survival. We need things like food, water, and sexin order to survive and pass our genetic material on to the next generation. However, as we get older and mature, we must learn to tolerate the discomfort of delayed gratification if we have a greater purpose or goal in mind. Unlike infants and young children, adults are characterized by their ability to delay gratification and tolerate hard work, discipline, and occasional unpleasantness in order to fulfill responsibilities and achieve goals. Mature adults don’t expect others to meet their needs. They understand and accept that they won’t always be gratified. My second post title for this week is apropos. I was sick again this weekend and didn’t get to writing as much as I wanted to. Feeling under the weather even with a head cold doesn’t bode well for progress in the goals we set.

When I was a little girl patience and waiting for what I wanted wasn’t my strong suit. Like any voracious child; I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it now. My parents in their infinite wisdom used to respond with a lyric from a Rolling Stones song (yeah I have those kind of parents). This weekend I had to flex that seldom used muscle of patience with myself and my intense need to be constantly productive. One thing I can not be accused of is letting idle time go by. Accomplishment and goal setting has been a lifelong battle. Any creative person you talk to will probably say the same.

We work harder than most because our only product is our own work. So when obstacles get in the way of our goals we tend to derail our whole plan. ( yes artists let’s be honest ). So with that in mind, the idea of working diligently and patiently at something; anything, over a extended period of time is the theme of today’s post. I’m sure all of us have had this idea that if we just wish for it long enough things will just happen.

In the quick fix, fast results, no effort needed, “just add water”, buy now pay later, mentality of our modern world; I find slow, and steady progress to be a revolutionary act.

We all get bombarded by the before and after images of body, face, life, skills improvement, but the reality is, the shit we have to go through to make progress and get better at something is the real work not seen, which justifies the end result. Quick fixes don’t produce good work. Fast and cheap does’t make for anything worth keeping, and instant “out of the box” human connections don’t stand the test of time.

Delayed gratification yields a much sweeter reward than instant gratification with very little effort. We savor the riches of our labor and passions when we can stand the test of time. Until then, back to the drawing board.

What are you working on or have worked on over a long period of time and want to share with the world?

And remember:

You can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you might find
You get what you need.

A Guide to Love & Desire


“It’s possible to love a human being if you don’t know them too well.” –

Charles Bukowski

Love is…

In order for any of us to completely understand and accept love, we have to understand what love is not. We often confuse love for a lot of things, that simply aren’t love. For example desire and love don’t often go hand in hand. Desire is lustful, passionate, unending, unfulfilled, hungry, thirsty, creepy, unvarnished, jealous, erratic, stupid and very insecure. Lust is carnal, all consuming, addicting, dangerous and sometimes clandestine. Hate well, that’s definitely not love.

Love is secure. Love is steady, knowing, calm, compassionate, giving, bountiful and glorious. Love is the glue. Love (like one of my favorite bands wrote) is all you need. Yet we still confuse love for all that it is not. We as humans have the capacity to love, be in love, and love people and beings who aren’t like us, don’t speak like us, don’t share the same story as us and don’t come from us. I’ve written in past blog posts about the 7 types of love. The ancient Greeks had many different expressions for love. Erotic love, brotherly love (yes that kind of love ), love of a parent to a child, love of all humanity, longing pained love (that achy breaky heart kind of love), playful love (flirty yummy delicious), and self love. All these types of loves coexist, they are not mutually exclusive and yes we can love two (or more) people at the same time. One thing love is NOT is stingy.

Love is Not…

Nothing else is a replacement or a stand in for love. Love in all its forms, shapes and versions, is in its core without discrimination, distinction or agenda; pure. Love is equal opportunity, bi, trans, tall, short, big, small, all inclusive and all encompassing. LOVE IS LOVE. Control is not love, abuse is not love, deception is not love, war is not love, organized religion is not love, fanaticism is not love, nationalism is not love, fear is not love, force is not love, lies are not love, hate is not love reversed. Love sees all, there is no exception.

So while love seems to get far less advertising than it should, and is often mistaken for its poor, imitations; here are my personal favorite expressions of messy, erotic, playful, flirty, solid, wholesome love, a little lust and everything in between.

Love is : Poetry

Two of my favorite poems about love. One is a monologue for a play called Crave by one of my favorite playwrights Sarah Kane; (thank you to my friends in Greece for reminding me) 

https://art-sheep.com/touching-love-monologue-from-crave-by-sarah-kane/?fbclid=IwAR04sxqvNR8V0c-FUi6FQHXHQvacLg8QW3SWQpEPaPuvYVPH4Rcdhmk0qko

Full Monologue :
And I want to play hide-and-seek
and give you my clothes
and tell you I like your shoes
and sit on the steps while you take a bath
and massage your neck and kiss your feet and hold your hand
and go for a meal and not mind when you eat my food
and meet you at Rudy’s and talk about the day
and type your letters and carry your boxes
and laugh at your paranoia
and give you tapes you don’t listen to
and watch great films and watch terrible films
and complain about the radio
and take pictures of you when you’re sleeping
and get up to fetch you coffee and bagels and Danish and go to Florent and drink coffee at midnight
and have you steal my cigarettes and never be able to find a match
and tell you about the the programme I saw the night before
and take you to the eye hospital
and not laugh at your jokes
and want you in the morning but let you sleep for a while
and kiss your back and stroke your skin
and tell you how much I love your hair your eyes your lips your neck your breasts your arse your
and sit on the steps smoking till your neighbour comes home
and sit on the steps smoking till you come home
and worry when you’re late
and be amazed when you’re early
and give you sunflowers
and go to your party and dance till I’m black
and be sorry when I’m wrong
and happy when you forgive me
and look at your photos
and wish I’d known you forever
and hear your voice in my ear and feel your skin on my skin
and get scared when you’re angry
and your eye has gone red and the other eye blue
and your hair to the left and your face oriental
and tell you you’re gorgeous and hug you when you’re anxious
and hold you when you hurt
and want you when I smell you
and offend you when I touch you and whimper
when I’m next to you and whimper
when I’m not and dribble on your breast and smother you in the night and get cold
when you take the blanket and hot when you don’t and melt
when you smile and dissolve
when you laugh
and not understand why you think I’m rejecting you when I’m not rejecting you
and wonder how you could think I’d ever reject you
and wonder who you are but accept you anyway
and tell you about the tree angel enchanted forest boy who flew across the ocean because he loved you
and write poems for you and wonder why you don’t believe me
and have a feeling so deep I can’t find words for it
and want to buy you a kitten I’d get jealous of because it would get more attention than me
and keep you in bed when you have to go
and cry like a baby when you finally do
and get rid of the roaches
and buy you presents you don’t want
and take them away again
and ask you to marry me
and you say no again
but keep on asking
because though you think I don’t mean it
I do always have from the first time I asked you
and wander the city thinking it’s empty without you
and want what you want
and think I’m losing myself but know I’m safe with you
and tell you the worst of me
and try to give you the best of me
because you don’t deserve any less
and answer your questions when I’d rather not
and tell you the truth when I really don’t want to
and try to be honest because I know you prefer it
and think it’s all over but hang on in for just ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life
and forget who I am
and try to get closer to you because it’s a beautiful learning to know you
and well worth the effort and speak German to you badly and Hebrew to you worse
and make love with you at three in the morning
and somehow
somehow
somehow
communicate some of the overwhelming
undying
overpowering
unconditional
all-encompassing
heart-enriching
mind-expanding
on-going
never-ending
love
I have for you.
Sarah Kane (3 February 1971 – 20 February 1999) English Playwright

My second favorite poem about love, lust and erotic love is by none other than…. E.E Cummings

I Like My Body When It Is With Your

i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body.  i like what it does,
i like its hows.  i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones,and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the,shocking fuzz
of your electric furr,and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh….And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you so quite new

Love is: Music

Everything love wants to express, it does through song, through lyrics, through the beat and the rhythm of music. Any time I’ve wanted to express love for someone I try to do in with music. The list is endless but these are some of my favorite “love” songs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SygtHDkbG_s&list=RDSygtHDkbG_s&start_radio=1
Nouvelle Vague- Fade Out Lines

Jolene by Dolly Parton- Remix by Todd Terje


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjiBj014t7g
Etta James- A Sunday Kind Of Love

I’ve got you Under My Skin (original Frank Sinatra) by – Ben L’Oncle
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvXywhJpOKs
My Funny Valentine- Chet Baker

Tom Waits- Hope I don’t fall in love with you

Nothing Compares 2U- Prince

Bruce — I’m on Fire (original edit)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hoskDZRLOCs
Elton John – Tiny Dancer

All in all… there are far more songs about love, longing, togetherness, sex, cigarettes and booze then there is about hate. I figure in the end of this little chess game called life, Love wins.

Peace.

“Sex is kicking death in the ass while singing.”

Charles Bukowski

Random Thoughts- Seasonal Depression


How it feels, how to deal. How not to freak out.

Let’s face it, these winter weather patterns we are experiencing, are crazy under normal circumstances, and to put it mildly winter SUCKS. I’m not talking about the normal cooling of things, and a cute mountain cottage with a fireplace, but the face freezing, skin drying, what the hell is this 8C to -20C fluctuation, urban cruel, dark, kind of winter.

Our bodies like nature experience somewhat of a powered down, closed off, let me hibernate till this torture is over kind of state. But since we don’t have the luxury to go into a cave and wait till spring fully wrested and hungry as hell, we have to cope with the day to day fluctuations of weather, ailments, lower energy, fucked up office climate control and other people’s colds, sneezing, coughing, and bad moods.

I have been experiencing somewhat of a depressed state, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. Having dealt with more severe depression in the past, I’m thoroughly convinced it runs in my American side of the family. My coping mechanisms were different at various stages of my life and in most cases did not involve heavy medication. Before I continue, let me clearly state.

I’m not here to advocate for or against anti-depressants this is NOT that kind of personal account. I had consulted in the past with a primary care physician who immediately, without extensive blood work or any further tests; prescribed anti depressants despite not knowing anything about my physical history, or even if they were really that effective for me. For those who do feel anti depressants or mood stabilizing medication works for them, short term or long term, I’m glad they have provided some normalcy.

Despite the many roadblocks and difficulties of seasonal affective disorder,  I have amassed enough tools in my arsenal, over the years to deal with my mood fluctuations and sleep patterns in a more holistic manner. Over the last 20 plus years I’ve spent countless hours practicing yoga, following proper nutrition, researching health and wellness journals, and attending lectures, workshops and seminars about sports nutrition, breathing techniques and proper diet. I can do this right? Well not exactly.

In order to truly begin this journey of proper mental and physical care, and to properly tend to our needs physically and mentally, we have to fully dedicate ourselves to fixing those aspects of our daily lives from the inside out. It’s a balance of nutrition, exercise, supplemental nutrition and mental health care. This is not a short term project, it’s for the rest of our lives.

I firmly believe we can train and retrain our selves to listen and give our bodies what they need order to directly and more effectively influence our emotional and mental state. (old tricks for an aging dog). On the other hand, we must challenge what we have long been mislead into thinking; that we don’t have control over our own bodies, our own health and our own well being. Somehow we have fallen pray to and mercy of endless experts and even more doctors, but in the end what we eat, how we sleep, and how much exercise and emotional balancing we do on our own, can bring far more positive change in how we cope with seasonal depression.

Change, Coping and Lifelong wellness.

Aside from slamming your first against a wall and buying a ticket to Spain to avoid the endless gray skies of an equally endless, winter (yes I’ve done this in the past, don’t recommend it); There are many less painful and far less destructive things we can do to survive and cope with SAD.

Here is my personal list of tips and personal care rituals that keep me sane, and have proven extremely helpful during some very dark and heavy winter days. Again I’m not saying this will work for any of you, but some common sense tools often add to whatever else you might be trying.

  1. Daily exercise, yoga, and stretching – If you have time to binge watch Netflix you have time to do some self care. (that’s me talking)
  2. Clean up your daily food intake. Take out or greatly reduce sugar and complex carbohydrates. Even more so for processed or pre-packaged foods (no I don’t mean all carbohydrates we need those for energy- unless you suffer from Celiac disease where clearly all gluten is out). Eating a balanced healthy home cooked meal should not be a privilege. Eat clean to think clean.
  3. Abstain from alcohol, coffee, sugary drinks and any other over stimulating or over depressive drinks, replacing them for a 3-4 weeks with herbal teas, water, fresh seasonal juices, and naturally carbonated drinks.
  4. Take pre and pro biotics for a healthy gut. It has been proven, time and time again that a healthy digestive system leads to betterment of overall health and especially emotional health. Eat clean to think clean.
  5. Aim for a healthy and balanced sleep cycle. Cell repair happens faster while sleeping, and getting proper physical and mental rest. (so no binge watching Netflix till 3 am)
  6. Get a massage, (and if you can’t afford one get a friend to massage you!) acupuncture, or any other kind of body work. Physical touch helps alleviate cortisol levels (stress hormone) and helps increase dopamine and serotonin production.
  7. Have more sex. (you think I would leave that out??) also serotonin production during sexual activity in both men and women, also production of testosterone in men. In the alternative: self care is the best care.

I’m not saying any of these “tricks” or personal rituals will work for anyone else, solely on the basis of my experience, but any and all of these practices are about a way of life, not just a 10, 20 day trial. Taking up more exercise, eating better food, and making time for your mental and physical well being is a daily practice. For many of us, these suggestions can be in addition to medication and talk therapy. We owe it to ourselves to work with these better body practices, so severe depression, and seasonal depression have less of a chance of having such a tremendous hold on our daily lives. And who the hell wouldn’t want more sex.

Stay Uplifted.

would love to hear your thoughts on winter depression and what you do to cope!

My aging challenge. Challenged.

I am lucky to be alive. Many people we know will not get the chance to show their “do I still look hot 10 years later” look; yet this online challenge got me thinking of who I am now, rather than what I look like 10 years on. The narrative we’ve been fed about time passing, lives changing and our aging process is deeply flawed. In most cases I see women and men just displaying an exterior change.

But what about the changes that can’t be seen? I’ve often looked back at my younger self, while connecting the dots of my present image and persona, so before I begin the story of these two moments in time, I have to emphasize how little these two pictures mean in the grand scheme of things. My “youth” may be fading, but the experiences I’ve gained over the past 10 years are following a treacherous, deeply challenging, rewarding and thought provoking journey. This is true of anyone looking back at their 10 year’s younger self.

The two women pictured above are not the same person.

Yes of course they are, but I don’t feel or look or carry myself in the same way as the woman I was back in Nov. 2009. These past 9 & 3/4 years have deeply affected, defined and altered my life’s path more than once and have shaped the person I am daring to become today.

November 2009 — Maroussi, Attika Greece

Freshly separated from a nearly 5 year tumultuous and eye opening relationship with a man 13 years her senior. He was an architect, multilingual, smart, witty accomplished, well traveled, talented and a complete asshole to her. Her father loved him. She did not. She was newly single, after an even more difficult breakup, packed up her apartment and moved to her grandmother’s home; now her home. It was a place of wonder and memories.

She molded her childhood memories of it and would live, love, teach, cook, have gatherings with amazing loving friends, dance, practice yoga and sing there for four amazing years. In those four years she would date drug addicts, ex drug addicts, married or otherwise “occupied” men, liars and cheaters and deeply loving people. She would build a small yoga practice and taught throughout the next decade in Europe and the United States. She would cook meals for and with her friends, and host beautiful gatherings. She would travel. She would also face repeated emotional and verbal abuse from her partners, she would fall into a deep depression that was only curtailed by her yoga practice and the faith of her friends. She would have to constantly fight with her family about property and she would have to finally move her whole life back to the US– again, after the financial crisis ripped her country in a thousand pieces. She would have to start over, utterly alone in a city that was only a cut out memory of her long distant past.

July 2018— DUMBO Brooklyn, NYC

Just shy of 10 years later, I’m standing weathered by shit storms and laughter and joy, desperation and happiness. I came out on the other side quite changed, and despite the many scars all for the better. The picture was taken just at the moment when all the struggles, and mistakes, and lessons were finally being revealed. I had a scar from a deep gash on my forehead to remind me that no matter how bad things got, I could still stand taller because I kept going despite the wrong turns and choices. I loved, I was betrayed, I was physically and emotionally challenged, and that year my life truly began to take shape. The puppet strings were cut off and I stopped caring what people thought of me.

My dear parents, my cousin and my trusted friends are and have always been my angels. I cherish them every day for keeping me sane; they didn’t always understand my journey and quite often probably were scared for my well being, but the last 10 years have been a tsunami of ups and downs. A giant shift into becoming the person I always wanted to become, but didn’t have the courage to approach.

I have more lines on my face and tons more gray hair than I will ever show in public (I’m vain among other things). I have more courage to show my body and my art, I don’t shy away from tearing up misconceptions and false facades. Life sent me some amazing teachers. And thank goodness I’ve finally learned my biggest lesson…

I’m grateful to the past 10 years and I keep a jar of anti wrinkle cream on my side of the medicine cabinet, and have toning masks and tweezers with me at all times. White chin hairs are ridiculous and annoying. My muscles hurt more after exercise or yoga practice, but my body is healthier and stronger than ever before. I would kick my old self in the ass in weight & endurance training and I’m a far more patient and capable yoga teacher and wellness practitioner than I was back then.

Aging is a gift. I will not squander time thinking it’s a curse.

I’m still alive, and grateful every day for the opportunity to keep evolving.

onwards.

How to get over a friendship gone bad

Breaking up is hard to do.

We all have gone through our various romantic breakups somewhat unscathed. The guy wasn’t for us, we weren’t for someone else and that’s that. With a dissolution of a marriage; you have more invested. With divorce there is a separation of property, kids, dogs, clothing, artwork and egos.

But What about a break-up with a friend?

We are often prepared for traditional break ups, divorces, separations for good or bad; But what happens when a friendship is dissolved? Do you forget the person? Do you claim to erase this person like you would a romantic break up? The finality of a friendship breaking up and closing up is very confusing, and in some cases far more painful experience. The harsh reality is that:
You can’t remain friends with a friend, who is an X.

How does one compute, and start the process of realizing the new reality (more so in my mind) of a friendship gone bad ?

In recent years, I’ve broken up with most of my family with far less scars or regrets than I did with friends. I’ve always regarded friendship as far more important than family, only because most of my family is toxic, vindictive and plain shit. What hurts most, is that you can be friends for years with someone, grow up together, see countless life changes, get over horrible moments together; and inexplicably something happens; the line breaks off, your paths split (sometimes violently) and whatever held you so close till then, disappears so quickly that you’re left wondering; how the hell do I get over this one, and was this really the friendship I thought it was?

Do you throw away their gifts and letters to you? Do you erase their messages? Do you burn their pictures in some sort of break up ritual and say “fuck em” like you would a jilted love affair?

What’s the protocol on ending a friendship?

I’ve had my fair share of friendships fading or souring over a long period of time, which in many cases had to do with outgrowing someone, but most recently I did experience a breakup with a friend I admired and valued immensely. I look back on the signs, the cracks in the foundation and wonder what started the wave that turned into a tsunami. I have often pondered what may have caused the abrupt ending; and trying see if there is any chance of it being repaired, but sometimes just like with lovers you have to say…

I guess you’re not that in to me and I’m not that bothered to change it.

As harsh and nonchalant as that sounds; I find that if a person actively and forcefully removes you from their life, or you them, it is clear that isn’t a friendship worth saving or fighting for. I’ve fought for friendships in the past; through thick and thin, from great distances, and with countless discussions and conversations, because ultimately what they signified in my life, was far more important than a bruised ego and multiple misunderstandings.

As we grow older however, we tend to weigh our options, and really see our friendships for what they really are. We are ultimately forced to place ourselves in the position of valuing ourselves as much (or more) as we value our friendships. To many of us (including myself); friendships are the backbone of our existence. We grow with our friends, these are the people who have seen the worst and the best of us, these are the people who know more about us than our parents, siblings, or our whole entire family. Yet all too often friends don’t want or care to follow us in our ever changing paths and don’t forgive us for our missteps and transgressions along the way, or simply aren’t equipped to go beyond their own limitations and egos.

When we move beyond the confines of our original path, and outgrow our fears we want our friends to be happy for us, not jealous, or worse wanting to derail, devour or belittle our efforts. If a friendship can’t support both the highs and the lows, the successes and failures, the fruitful explorations and regrettable decisions; that is not a friendship worth investing in, wasting your time on or having in your life.

2018 reflections- 2019 visions

The Greekrabbit in NYC and the year that broke all the records.

2018 didn’t suck (oh It did but not as much as years past)

I say this in order to preface any loudmouth, bitch slapping I’m going to do to 2018 and how I do hope 2019 picks up the slack.

My shit list and wish list is simple. These are not regrets and resolutions. Regrets are for people who are ashamed at their blunders and wrong turns and mistakes. I don’t regret anything I’ve done (ok except that one thing, with that guy who was a total douchebag), because each set back, fuck up, wrong idea, bad idea, and pure crap shoot is something that will eventually lead you towards a truer version of yourself. IF you’re actually open to change and learning from your mistakes.

Resolutions on the other hand, constitute finality and if we’re being honest with ourselves and the #lifegoals we set for ourselves, we never stop learning from mistakes and evolving, so if I don’t get to it in 2019, I guess I wasn’t ready. We take the good and the bad and make an assessment as to what we can keep from years past as lessons and what we can let go of and NOT REPEAT in the year ahead. 2018 overall was a step up from years past if people want to read last years list please feel free. There were some slip ups, mistakes, ridiculously toxic people that I thankfully learned lessons from and also thankfully no longer have in my life, there were goals reached, and others not so much but overall, I would say 2018 gave me many more gifts than it did head aches. Although I still miss my travel and writing hero Anthony Bourdain. So without further delay here you go…

Shit List 2018 TOP TEN

  • No more second guessing. Original instincts are usually the ones, you should follow. When someone tells you more than once what a narcissistic, asshole they are; believe them. ( They did you a favor)
  • Some friends are there through the thick and thin, others only when it’s to their advantage. (reminds me of a brilliant lecture I attended earlier this year by a cool football player turned motivational speaker named Trent Shelton — check his spoken word on friendships here. )
  • Not all people are worth your time, money and passion. (pick wisely)
  • Don’t give expecting to receive.
  • Saying no is absolutely necessary. Do it more often. (pick wisely)
  • Don’t sacrifice your truth for someone else’s lie. ( Lies are like cobwebs they trap you like a fly)
  • Fame doesn’t mean credibility.
  • Don’t take anyone’s word for your own comfort, taste, or knowledge. (build your own and often)
  • Convenience isn’t friendship, companionship or love.
  • ok this is a bonus from me to you — Small Penis, Large Ego (never fails)

WISH LIST 2019 TOP TEN

  • Give someone who has shown they have earned it a second chance to be in your life. Redemption is more powerful than absolutism.
  • Nature. That’s it. BE IN NATURE, WITH NATURE, FIGHT FOR NATURE.
  • Love is complicated but also absolutely wonderful to experience in all its forms. More love please.
  • Have the audacity to live your way, love your way, dress your way, and express exactly who you are. (Life is short)
  • Spend much more time with people, than looking at them in a fucking screen (Life is too damn short)
  • Write a letter to your future self to remember the stupid shit you put up with in the present and to show yourself how much you’ve grown learned and developed (hopefully) in later years.
  • TRAVEL (life is… you get where this is going right?)
  • EAT– Eat good, healthy, amazing food and preferably with others
  • Art, in every form, with love dedication, focus, discipline and community. Make it, buy it, make some more. Because when we’re all gone art remains.
  • Shitty people come into your life to remind you of how long they will last before you tell them to fuck off. (sorry to the swearing but I don’t think anything else is appropriate here)
  • Bonus…. Piss people off more often, by being exactly who they tell you not to be. YOURSELF… But be kind, to those who make valiant, imperfect efforts to understand who you are.

Happy Fucking New Year.

Take away list 2018

Not all years are a complete loss.

Ok maybe that one year where everything everywhere went to shit (enter year here _______)

I firmly believe that despite the absolute shit show this year has been politically, economically, globally, environmentally and in every other category possible; 2018

didn’t suck.

I’m further convinced that we all have a small ( very small in some cases) take away list for the year that’s about to close. Not all things turned to shit and in many ways the ones that did were a blessing in disguise.

Small gifts list of 2018

Care of Self

The discovery of taking (better) care of self. Not the “self care” cliché but real, honest quiet moments while taking time to be focused only on one person and one moment in time. me in the present moment.

We all share countless moments with other people on a daily, hourly basis in big cities, never really spending a quiet moment in silence. 2018 was the year I sought this silence more than any other time. Quiet time for self reflection and meditation.

Quality not quantity

Spending time talking to, eating with, drinking with and discussing with people in real time, one on one. The idea of sharing a moment or series of moments with a new or old friend, a loved one, or a complete stranger, without distractions or entertainment. Creating Quality time.

Learning to listen

This year taught me a lot about listening, truly listening to others. I still have a lot of work to do on that front but I’m closer than last year. By no means do I believe this lesson is over, there is far more to learn.

Trusting my instructs

This year brought me situations and people that reinforced my trust in my instincts. Red flags? Saw them. Warnings? Listened to them. Signs? Observed them. Lessons? Learned them.

Lastly, and as I’ve mentioned this in many of my past writings; The people and places I’ve visited connected me with friends who are still in my life one year later, from 1 to 35 years of creating a continuation of friendship and family. This idea of bonding and building true connection with those near and far, is constantly reinforced by the passing of time, not diminished or faded, and absolutely beautiful.

That keeps me going to the next year.

Looking forward to a lesson filled 2019.

Cheers to 2018. Now get lost.

The Art of Not Giving A Fuck


Photo by: R. Valenzuela

A small manifesto on truthfulness.

Looking back at the inception of this online writing platform 6 years ago; there was no predicting where it would take me. While reflecting upon the sixth consecutive year of writing online, I was reminded of my sixth anniversary living in New York. One absolutely undeniable thing I’ve realized about this city is :

New York doesn’t give a fuck what you think of her. (Sorry Sex and the City- New York is no boyfriend) Shes a badass, loudmouthed, Italian, Latino, black, Jewish, Irish, Dominican, African, Indian, Pakistani, Greek, Mexican, Chinese, Japanese, Lebanese, Dominican, Puerto Rican, Jamaican, Korean, Russian, Romanian, Chilean, Israeli, Palestinian, Ukrainian, Brazilian, Armenian, Syrian (I could go on and on) and every other American Woman.

I realized early last year; January 2018 to be exact, that speaking my truth, expressing my writing and poetry honestly and conveying my point of view without reservations, is my greatest challenge and biggest goal for the years to come. (Yes I stole a little attitude from one of my writing heroes and badass traveler, advocate, explorer and all around truth teller Mr. Anthony Bourdain). For the first time after starting this writing project; I don’t give a fuck with people think. I’ve spent countless years, (as many women do) side stepping, avoiding, cleaning up, self editing in order to fit a particular mold or idea of how I should express myself publicly or privately. I’m not trying to grab or hold anyone’s attention. If you follow my writing and care to share your point of view with me, It is welcome. If you don’t care for what I’m writing about, and think its shit, make a valid point, and give your point of view.

On January 1st 2018, at about 6 am, on a very cold bright morning; It hit me: Nothing of who I am and what I’ve done so far with my life fits any ,constructs or ideas of what a woman my age living, loving creating, and writing in 2018 should be like, look like or act like. I was never one to submit to conformity. Whenever I tried to fit in, my life would always swerve away from it, one way or another. Should have been, should have had, should have accomplished, often slaps me around from time to time.

We all go through moments where we are faced with the stories other people like to tell about us. Inevitably as we get older (not necessarily wiser as I’ve come to discover), some of us find our own true voice, allowing us to be exactly who we want and can be. Others predictably, stay stuck within the confines of an identity formed by others, society, parents, or heritage; forming an idea of themselves with personas or masks that really don’t quite fit. More still never really take the risk to flourish into something far more beautiful and unique that may not quite fit the narrative we’ve been fed.

Time has shown me that spending more time alone, with myself has given me ample opportunities to really know who I am, shed any prét a porter personalities and embrace how I want to live my life. Yet every year that closes, I spend a few moments wondering what would have been if I took a different path.

The shoulds- A list

On the eve of a new year, I narrow down the list of shoulds that apply to where someone like me should be according to society, my own made up standards, and how very famously stated in Greece, according to what “people say”.

Here’s my top 5 so I don’t go to crazy down the rabbit hole.

1. I should have had kids by now. Well to be fair I almost did, and although I do think about that possibility often, I’m thankful everyday I decided against it. It’s been a strange feeling to know I came close.

2. I should have my own business by now. I did at some point and for a good 10 years, I did run my own business as a yoga teacher and massage therapist. I’ve taken a detour so the possibility is still there.

3. I should be settled somewhere and have a beautiful home. I also had that at one point in my life, but the Greek crisis forced many of us to leave the life we knew and the home we had along with all its comforts; and find new paths in new counties. Now and for however it lasts, New York is home.

4. I should be more successful in my career and make more money. Well this is only up to my efforts so stay tuned 😉

5. I should drop everything I’m doing here in New York and move back to Greece… Well this one I left for last because it’s as complicated and simple as all the others on the list. For the simple reason that I’m not someone who likes to drop something in the middle before I’ve seen in through; staying in New York although a difficult journey, has and still does inspire me. My writing and poetry has developed over the years here, and the same would not have occurred in Athens. So I take the inspiration and wherever it takes me I’m willing to go. All the risks we take lead us somewhere magical.

On to the next chapter.

Happy New Year to all.

Random Thoughts- On failure and redemption.

What makes us brave is not avoiding failure, but the ability to get back on track after falling.

Lack of success

We all fuck up. We all take a wrong turn. We all make wrong decisions; often more than once. In recent months I’ve had some very profound discussions with self pronounced failures, who despite their own perceptions; have shown far more determination in continuing on their path to success rather than avoiding or languishing on the presence of failure.

In my mind what clearly separates the brave ones from the cowards are the ones who fail; big, and then get up. Pick up the pieces and keep going.

I always have been very bad at admitting failure. As a youngster I wanted to adopt the role of little miss perfect, I could do no wrong, therefore everyone was happy. Yet understanding the value of failure and its necessity; is understanding the basis of future success. Over the years, and after many failures (small and big); I have found that only through those have I grown, learned and was driven to keep going in my pursuits.


the omission of expected or required action

Those who never falter, who don’t risk, or admit failure; are clearly not going to create much success either. We all know at least one such person. The ones who preach perfection, the ones who have it all figured out, the ones who never, bend, take a leap of faith, or follow their dreams into the unknown. The ones who haven’t publicly or privately eaten shit and admitted it.

One person’s failure is another person’s success.

Those who fail big and keep going in most cases are the same ones who are harshly critical of their own accomplishments. I was speaking to a friend recently about a very accomplished explorer and world cartographer, who by his own admission was an utter failure. Any bystander (including myself) who knew nothing of this man’s idea of himself would probably thing he was stark raving mad, and yet; failure is a very personal matter.

Unwilling to Fail/Not recognizing success

After all is said and done, one of the strongest examples of failure is having not tried at all. Being stringent and strict with those who fail, is often shown by those who have failed and won’t admit it, but far more often by those who fear failure and risk more than anything else. Failure requires vulnerability, courage, stupidity, callousness and imperfection. Those same elements are some of the same ingredients of success.

Life is short- Fail

Inasmuch as I have failed or succeeded in my recent endeavors; (and only time will tell) I’ve let go of a lot of what both of those mean. And after seeing how short and precious life is, failure is far more adventurous than sitting at home, living a life half lived, full of comfort and predictability. Having the chance to try, fail and then try again is really what life is all about.

Salud!