Tag: growing up

Day 12 & 13- Isolation

It’s midnight. Friday the 13th 2020. Doomsday looming in both my homes. The bombardment and monopoly of the 24hr news cycle focused on a pandemic taking over the planet. Athens is already under lockdown from the spread Coronavirus Covid- 19, and New York City is not that far behind. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that I would be experiencing something like this, my parents isolated far from New York and me wondering what the next few days will bring. Fighting hysterical posts on the one end and dismissive political figures on the other; there needs to be a mind and body triage to keep me going.

Two things that have always comforted me in good times and bad, are books and music. Both have been companions and my shield. I love diving into a good book and music, well music has been my salvation over the years, so a virus outbreak calls for some serious tunes and reads. It seems that very soon I will have to rely heavily on both for solace in what have already been very trying times. As an homage to two of my favourite pass times; I’m invoking the ever amazing BBC radio program Dessert Island Discs to make a virus lockdown mix. Music no matter how bad things get will always soothe the weary mind and heart. So with our further delay my dear readers… Here is :

My Desert Island Disks and Books for the threat of a citywide virus outbreak lockdown.

1. Here Comes The Sun — The Beatles

Why this song : Because it’s one of the first songs I ever remember hearing as a child in our Kifissia ( northern suburb of Athens) apartment when I was probably around 4-5 years old. It played on the Techniques turn table my dad had at the time, and I remember my mum wearing her very 70s glasses at the time and looking stunning. I still remember the look of the apple turning around and around 37-38 years later. It makes me tear up every time I hear it.

2. Wish you were here — Pink Floyd

Why this song: It’s epic. Plain and simple. Pink Floyd were and are some of the most prolific musicians I’ve ever come across. My first ever concert was the Pig Tour concert in 1987 at the Olympic stadium in Arhens and I remember like it was yesterday.

3. Personal Jesus —- Depeche Mode

Why this song: My love for Depeche mode and especially this song was born during my London days in the early 2000s, and it’s so telling of the era and the tone it was recorded in. The false prophets and the lost souls in invokes and the idea of a personal savior that never was.

4. Tiny Dancer — Elton John

Why this song : It reminds me of my first and last College boyfriend and who I was at the time. I was for all intents and purposes a dancer, living, breathing that art form in all its glory and whenever I hear this song, I relive my young self in upstate New York and my long gone college days. My passion for this guy who broke my heart and how he knew how to speak through song what he could never voice in his own words.

5. Dionisis Savopoulos — O Karagiozis

Why this song : The love goes deep here with this artist and this song specifically because it describes a whole generation of Greek entertainment, the idea of the pauper fool who despite his squalor always manages to get by. The long lost art of theater of shadows that kept generations of Greeks ( mostly lower and middle class greek families) entertained. This artist who’s the Greek version of Lucio Dalla, part story teller, part folk artist, he raised me with his music more than any other Greek artist I can recall ( and there are many)

6. Koupes — Marina Sati

why this song: Marina Sati to me exemplifies all that is wonderful about the new Greek music scene. A multicultural, multiethnic strong voice. A woman who exemplifies all that I love about the newer generation of Greek musicians. This song is absolutely gorgeous, beautiful vocals, great musicians. It takes me to a place I love visiting in my mind. A sunlit beach with no care in the world.

7. Vivaldi —- The Four Seasons

There are many exceptional classical pieces of music, but for me Vivaldi although often over played and considered not as sophisticated as other classical composers, is one I go to often. Especially the four seasons. It seems apropos to our understanding of nature and how it makes us feel.

8. Faithless —- Insomnia

This is the ULTIMATE dance till your bones come loose club song of the late 90s early 2000s. I get high only from its rhythm and it’s beat. My body feels so good letting its rhythm take my mind off all that’s troubling me. It takes me back to my years studying in London and my hope at the time. I absolutely love this track.

Ok one last one which is cheating the basic premise of the 8 tracks to take to the desert island but this last track is probably my ultimate piece of music I will listen to on my desert island and brings up the most beautiful memories I have of my time in London.

With a bang

Keith Jarrett — Köln Concert Part I

My list of books for keeping sane in insane times will be up tomorrow night. Till then..

Stay safe everyone.

Day 2 – Delayed Gratification

Having to wait for something makes it ever more enticing.

I’ll start with the “textbook” analysis of Delayed Gratification:

Pleasure is central to our survival. We need things like food, water, and sexin order to survive and pass our genetic material on to the next generation. However, as we get older and mature, we must learn to tolerate the discomfort of delayed gratification if we have a greater purpose or goal in mind. Unlike infants and young children, adults are characterized by their ability to delay gratification and tolerate hard work, discipline, and occasional unpleasantness in order to fulfill responsibilities and achieve goals. Mature adults don’t expect others to meet their needs. They understand and accept that they won’t always be gratified. My second post title for this week is apropos. I was sick again this weekend and didn’t get to writing as much as I wanted to. Feeling under the weather even with a head cold doesn’t bode well for progress in the goals we set.

When I was a little girl patience and waiting for what I wanted wasn’t my strong suit. Like any voracious child; I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it now. My parents in their infinite wisdom used to respond with a lyric from a Rolling Stones song (yeah I have those kind of parents). This weekend I had to flex that seldom used muscle of patience with myself and my intense need to be constantly productive. One thing I can not be accused of is letting idle time go by. Accomplishment and goal setting has been a lifelong battle. Any creative person you talk to will probably say the same.

We work harder than most because our only product is our own work. So when obstacles get in the way of our goals we tend to derail our whole plan. ( yes artists let’s be honest ). So with that in mind, the idea of working diligently and patiently at something; anything, over a extended period of time is the theme of today’s post. I’m sure all of us have had this idea that if we just wish for it long enough things will just happen.

In the quick fix, fast results, no effort needed, “just add water”, buy now pay later, mentality of our modern world; I find slow, and steady progress to be a revolutionary act.

We all get bombarded by the before and after images of body, face, life, skills improvement, but the reality is, the shit we have to go through to make progress and get better at something is the real work not seen, which justifies the end result. Quick fixes don’t produce good work. Fast and cheap does’t make for anything worth keeping, and instant “out of the box” human connections don’t stand the test of time.

Delayed gratification yields a much sweeter reward than instant gratification with very little effort. We savor the riches of our labor and passions when we can stand the test of time. Until then, back to the drawing board.

What are you working on or have worked on over a long period of time and want to share with the world?

And remember:

You can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you might find
You get what you need.

Let me say This… Revisited

I wrote a poem about 3 years ago, and It’s the first one I ever performed live at an event called First Time Out, in New York at a cool performance/bar space called Pete’s Candy Store.

I was a very nervous, and shaky first time performer back in November 2016, but I took a chance with an art form and a stage that I had never even dreamed I would ever approach, let alone at the “ripe” age of 38.

This piece is close to my heart because I wrote it for someone I deeply care about, who I can now call a dear friend. We went through our ups and downs in life and we ended up floating instead of sinking so I’m dedicating this to my dear friend P. Life has a very strange way of colliding people together who may on the surface seem incongruous.

The more I travel, the more people I collide with. Old friends remain true friends, others fade away, some remain there for a lifetime, through thick and thin, some betray you, some you betray. It’s a never ending cycle of attraction, connection, and sometimes a rare blossoming.

Enjoy.

LET ME SAY THIS

Let me tell you a story about leaving home, about struggling to find a place of your own, Let me tell you about walking miles every day in this crazy city, and asking yourself over and over again is this all there is?

Let me tell you about loving and heartbreak, about standing on your own two feet, about flirtation about opening your heart again about loneliness about doubt and fear, let me tell you about sitting alone at night thinking…

There must be more than life to this.

Let me tell you about rejoicing in knowing you have friends who love you and you love them. Let me tell you about poetry and listening to father analyse over and over the importance of poetry…. because talking about your motherland falling apart isn’t that pleasant.

Let me tell you about mother and how she is my best friend.  Let me tell you about laughter in the middle of the street, till your guts hurt and not caring how loud you are cause that shit was so damn funny!  Let me tell you about sex, and passion, lack of intimacy or truth, let me tell you about excuses and mistreatment and unfulfilled embraces, let me tell you about pain. Let me tell you about not wanting to live again.

“let me tell you about sitting alone at night thinking, there must be more than life to this…”

Let me tell you about falling in love and going out of your mind, let me show you loss and tears. Let me tell you about walking alone, and sleeping alone and crying alone and feeling alone even though your not. Let me tell you about countless early mornings sitting in silence breathing and hoping it will all get better.

Let me tell you about waking up with sun in your eyes and smelling the island breeze and wishing you were here with me, diving deeper and deeper into the deep blue sea.


Let me tell you about missing my home, my people, my sun kissed balcony, the aromas of fresh baked bread from the village bakery

salt on my skin

the sound of hundreds of cicadas

drowning the air with their numbing rhythm. Let me tell you about music and dancing, and embracing friends who are far away, and letting your hair down cause…

that’s what life is all about.

Let me show you what I see, what I hear let me share with you my story, and I want you to tell me yours.

Tell me about you, tell me about your dreams and struggles your life and goals, your fears.
are you sitting up at night thinking is this all there is?

Eat with me, drink with me, laugh with me, cry with me, look into my eyes and see there is nothing more beautiful than sitting in silence and knowing, understanding one another and realizing….

Yes that this is ALL there is.

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10 things I would say to my 25 year old self.

I heard an interview of a well known comedian who was asked … What would you tell your 25 year old self? and I wondered what if I could turn back the clock and sit down with the younger Eleana and share with her what I know now.

We all know hindsight is 20/20. We are often haunted by the mistakes we made and the blunders that lead us to paths we weren’t quite ready for. In most cases though whatever life has thrown at us, we dealt with, we came through, we learned something valuable (in most cases), and we became better versions of our selves through the difficulties we faced.

At 39 I find I have become far more confident and self assured. I don’t envy or long for the past, the only thing I regret is carrying other people’s burdens as my own. That I’m still learning to let go of.

So here it goes… 25 year old Eleana.

  1. Believe in your skills and your talents, stop second guessing yourself
  2. Just because you are alone doesn’t mean you should sleep with that dude or any dude that doesn’t actually enjoy being with you.
  3. Stop all connection with your family- They are fucking evil.
  4. Your friends are there for you because they love you, listen to them when they give you advice.
  5. You don’t have to please everybody, some people just won’t like you, and that’s ok.
  6. Go for your dreams, run that marathon! It will be the most amazing time of your life.
  7. Run, away from that guy, he’s toxic, he will hurt you and he will try to break your spirit.
  8. Take charge, don’t let anyone decide your life for you.
  9. Go to India, learn yoga from the source, and travel more to places that excite your senses.
  10. You are enough, just the way you are.

 

For all the mistakes, missteps and misuse of energy, 25 was fun, carefree and I’m glad its over. On to the next 25.

 

Happy Fall !