Day 2.

march 2nd.

I’m late in posting this, but it all started with the thought of warmth. The winter months get more and more taxing on the body as I age, not to say that I don’t feel as healthy as I ever have, but the smell of the sea and the feeling of being weathered in sun and salt is very comforting on this very cold, rainy lonely day.

It’s getting harder and harder to take the harshness of winter. It’s getting more and more immediate; this need for a beautiful beach, clear blue sky, and crystal clear mediterranean water. I’m finding myself longing for that medicine of salt, sweet air, good food and merriment. I’m comforted by my memories and look forward to the moment I can set foot on the beach and just sink in.

Till then… it’s windy and strange out there tonight.

2017 Fuck You…. And Thank You TOO

 

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DEAR 2017 FUCK YOU.

You were quite possibly the most abysmal, disgusting, disappointing, disenchanting, disillusioning, dysfunctional, dystopian year. Oh you know what you’ve done. You started out ever so shy and unassuming, but you rocked the boat so much we were collectively puking in our barf bags.  And you know what?? Thank fucking god. It was the best and worst thing that could ever happen to us, them, me.

Only a few days remain in this epic fail of a year. Politically it’s a nightmare around the world, and more so in the United States. People are suffering more than ever before, and there seems to be a collective confusion about everything that is surrounding us. Yet despite all that, I must sit down and be brutally honest, not only with myself but with you my dear, loyal and amazing readers. This was the worst and best year of my life. I began it with a notion that things could be better, and I was greeted with slap after slap after slap and a bunch just in case I had any other positive ideas. At some point I felt like I was in a 10 round fight with Muhammad Ali. (What an amazing boxer huh?). In the end of it all, I must confess I am finishing the last few days of this rotten year with a far different and revived image of myself and the world around me.

Things that happened in 2017

I met a man who thought he could destroy me emotionally and mentally, ( hah! think again ). He made me doubt myself, he publicly humiliated me again and again, he wanted to pull a handbrake on my spirit and push me over the edge, but quite honestly he did me a huge favor, cause when you hit rock bottom and an asshole is pushing you further down; you wake up to the fact that you’re the only strength you have. Then you get up and walk away, walk off the court and NEVER look back. I learned the hard way to put my self first. I have since met many beautiful people through this journey; some of them gorgeous men of incredible honor and stature. One piece of shit man-child allowed me for the first time in years to see my value to honor my body, to enjoy flirtation, truly love again, and to open my heart and be loved, all thanks to my shitbag ex. THANK YOU

I was harassed by my Greek family online and continue to be dragged in the Greek court system by my two uncles and aunts who for whatever reason think I give a fuck about them and their petty little lives. I now cherish my immediate family, a few chosen relatives, and my friends more than any other time in my life. People who stood by me over the years have become closer than my “blood” family ever could. The unbreakable bonds I’ve built with friends in Greece and the U.S are stronger than ever; you know who you are. We continue to love each other, console each other, grow with each other and are show up for each other. You my dear friends ARE my family and always will be. I cherish you to no end.

THANK YOU

I saw the inside of a hospital emergency room three times and visited countless doctors. I suffered so much pain I thought I was going to die. I hit my head leaving a noticeable scar on my face; and now I find it to be the coolest thing about it. I underwent an abortion 8 weeks into a pregnancy that tore me apart. It broke my spirit like nothing and no one ever has. I decided to speak about it publicly and on this blog; connecting to amazing people who supported me, and showered me with their love in ways I can’t even describe. I connected with other women who’ve gone through exactly what I went through. Despite my lingering pain, that never could have happened If I had not gone through this path, no matter how devastating and difficult. Undergoing this procedure was a way of connecting with my mother and my trusted friends who were there for me every step of the way. I have received more love than any one person can handle; I am eternally grateful to all who were there for me. My health and my body have now more than ever become a vehicle for my expression and my steadfast commitment to health and wellness. I will continue to grow and develop a new holistic view of women’s bodies and health because of what I went through this past year.

THANK YOU

I reconnected with an old love… after 18 years of not speaking.  My old College boyfriend and I spoke after many years of silence. I never thought in a million years that I would ever see him again or get to meet his amazing loving and beautiful wife and children. He is a great man with a gorgeous family. His wife and kids are now part of my extended family and I love them all dearly. My old beau, who is now my dear friend; has lifted my spirits though the deepest gutter of my sadness and I’m glad 2017 brought us together again, even through the darkest of times.

THANK YOU

I fell in love with New York… again after very determined plans to leave her. She all but pushed me out her doors in 2017 when I came to a stark realization that for now this fucked up city is my home, thanks to two very special people who have showed me their view of this metropolis like no one has ever done before. My Daybreaker family is part and parcel of this insane city, and getting up at 3 am to meet them and be part of their lives and they part of mine has been a gift unforeseen three years ago. Yes, I miss Greece like hell; I will go back one day, but for now; NYC is my home. I share my love of New York in my writing, and will continue to do so in the next year. My new friends here are my family and my life has become all the richer for it. New York as crazy and frustrating and overwhelming as it has been in the past five years, is also be warm and welcoming and loving in ways unimaginable to me a year ago.

THANK YOU

I write more and more in my blog each day. 2017 has been the year I’ve truly dedicated more of my time to writing this blog. Writing poetry, writing prose, and sharing my thoughts with a wider audience almost every week.  I’ve stood on stage and read my work, I’ve shared my moments with more friends who are far away, who resonated with what I was sharing, and I’ve received lovely feedback from incredible people. My writing experiments have been published on other blogs, and my short stories are slowly becoming a big part of my creative process. I have been continuously writing this blog since November 2012, and I am committed to growing and developing this in the years to come.

THANK YOU all for your support over the years and for reading my ramblings.

 

For more information on the pictures and artist featured in the piece please check out

www.albertusjoseph.com !

Fuck You… Photo by : Albertus Joseph

In-between, cultures

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Cultural Experiment-

I grew up Greek with an American mother and Greek father in Athens, Greece, in the late 70’s early 80’s.

This is how I would start my autobiography as the tale of a cultural experiment. My whole life has been a journey of deeply relating to and feeling left out of  being a Greek, and ultimately being shaped by my somewhat American (whatever that is) upbringing.  Essentially I’ve always been an in-between person. I never fit in, and always held an outsider’s perspective. At first what felt like a detriment later proved to be an advantage.

In grade school I was bullied because of being a “little American” in Greece. In high school I was considered strange for being a Greek in U.S high school in the 90’s. And after Graduate School, upon returning to Greece after 11 years of being away, I decided that I would start defining who I am without all the labels, and cultural fixations set by others. It took till my early 30’s to feel absolutely comfortable with my dual existence.

I’m sure my parents had absolutely no idea how I would turn out, but one thing I must applaud them for is their steadfast insistence to language and cultural exploration. My mother only spoke to me in English even though after years of struggle and study she speaks Greek very well, and my father although fluent in English, only spoke and wrote to me in Greek. That being said, I spent all my childhood summers in the United States instead of some island or Greek village, as so many other Greek kids my age always did. That would set me apart from those who had never left their home for another country in Europe let alone the United States. I had my first passport at 3 months old and have now a collection of both Greek and American passports that fill a whole drawer.

It took till my early 30’s to feel absolutely comfortable with my dual existence.

After many awkward years, I came to realize that instead of this misplaced half breed who didn’t fit in anywhere, I was at a cultural and linguistic advantage.  I was given this gift of cultural fluidity and dual citizenship few people enjoy. I feel at home and comfortable with both cultures; I understand the quirks and idiosyncrasies of feeling and acting like a Greek when I’m in Greece, and as an American when I’m in the United States. What I’ve recently discovered is that I can quite easily blend and transform myself to any culture and place as long as I observe and try to understand it. I’ve become a cultural chameleon of sorts.

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I started this journey of blending and relating to others so I can fit in, while in College;  in upstate New York. As the only Greek, American who had truly grown up in both cultures I was somewhat of an anomaly, so I related to the outcasts and misfits in my school more frequently than the “it” girls and cool people who would play sports, hang out with the gorgeous students and enjoy College “fame”. I met the kids from ABC (A Better Chance) house in high school in Amherst, most of them from New York City neighborhoods who were insanely smart and were given an opportunity to study at a very “clean cut”, and academically challenging high school.

I was given this gift of cultural fluidity and dual citizenship few people enjoy.

I instantly related to them; they were not born or raised in Massachusetts and had a other worldliness that I was drawn to. I too was this strange Greek girl to them; not your typical American kid, and I found myself being embraced by my new family.

After leaving the United States, coming back to Greece was yet another transition and adjustment. I was seen as a foreigner, an outsider, until I proved myself again to be able to blend, adjust, absorb and accept local cultural, societal and colloquial demands.

In between two cultures

After 13 years in Greece, I’m back where I started;  always with this idea that I’m balancing between two cultures and two ways of life. This time I absolutely love being a part of both. There are times I don’t fully embrace or condone American culture, especially now in the current political climate, and similarly I don’t agree with how things are in Greece, but instead of being angry at the shortcomings and Greekisms of one place, and the bravado and “bigger better faster” attitude of America, I try to pick and choose what best defines me from both places, and love both countries equally with their shortcomings and flaws.

DNA and cultural Identity 

With all the questions and curiosity behind my multi-cultural and multi-ethnic background, I recently took a DNA ancestry test. I had been wanting to do this for a long time, so I was very excited to share the results here. I was pleasantly surprised as well as reaffirmed in what I already knew about my heritage. I am loving each and every part of who I am and try to embrace all the tiles that make the mosaic of my life now and for years to come.

If your curious about my results check the link below!

Eleana’s Ancestry Test 

In all honesty I’ve become a nomad and find a home wherever I go, but the place I deeply love with utter abandon and will always have in my heart as my true home is Athens, Greece.  Stay tuned for the next blog post dedicated to my beloved city.

For more information on Ancestry Tests and if you are curious to do one of your own

check the link below and use my referral for a small discount!

Take a leap into your Ancestry Test:

23 and Me

 

 

Travel Diaries Part. 3 South Crete- Wild Beauty

I first came across the beauty of South Crete in April 2006, as part of a yoga teacher training. I always felt Crete was too far away, too long, too much hassle to travel to, before I actually made the trek to the breath-taking beaches of the southern coast.

It’s admittedly a long trip (6-9 hours by boat but for the right price a mere 45 mins by plane from Athens). As a Greek who loves to travel, I must sheepishly admit that I’ve not seen enough of my own country. I am trying in small ways to change that.

Visiting Triopetra and Agios Pavlos changed my whole outlook on Crete and opened my heart to one of the most rugged, wild beauties of the Mediterranean and Libyan seas. Crete is a society, culture, and land quite independent of all other parts of Greece. It can quite easily sustain itself, with its rich diverse climates providing, avocados, bananas and tropical fruit, as well as cheeses, meats, grains and wild herbs never to be seen anywhere else in the country.


Crete is a mystery, a healing renewing place full of misfits, vagabonds and people who decided that the big city life isn’t for them. The locals are a guarded, strong-willed people. They are incredibly proud and protective of their land, and they have legends, stories and history to prove of their resistance to invasions of all kinds. After their hard exterior melts into a smile and when you get to know them, they are the warmest, loving people you will ever come across. They embrace you as one of their own, and even after a seven-year absence those same faces were happy to see me as I them.

My dear friend Despina– we have the same eyes!

 

 

Crete is a mystery, a healing renewing place full of misfits, vagabonds and people who decided that the big city life isn’t for them.

I stayed for four days in this beautiful paradise, far away from the overcrowded city and the aggressive mentality of urban living. I learned to let go of my phone, my worries, my watch and just be in nature; with the blanket of the stars as my backdrop.

Sfakia and Sweet Water Beach August 27th, 2017 : My first evening at Sweet Water beach I stayed at a wonderful newly renovated little boutique hotel in the center of town. After finding my dear friends who I had not seen in almost seven years, we watched the sun set and the evening sky reveal every constellation visible to the human eye, the moon, Venus, the big dipper all there in full clarity away from lights and buildings. I first experienced its grandeur in 2007 and my last time in 2010 during a yoga workshop I taught in Sfakia. I wasn’t prepared for the life changing experience I was about to have and I wasn’t prepared to fall in love with this magical land.

This place moves you too connect with your higher self. Stripped of all noise and distraction this town is for when one is ready to be one with nature. Sleeping on the beach one evening is highly recommended. Just make sure you get plenty of bug spray and a good sleeping bag. The water coming up from the rocks is drinkable

Sweet Water Beach Sfakia 

On the last day of my trip I took the walking  route to Sweetwater beach at 7:00 am. The sun was already warm and the shade provided some comfort on the way to the beach.

The route to Sweet water beach by foot
View of Sweet water beach from the rugged path.
Don’t mess with South Crete- Guns Booze and festivals all year. 


I left this beautiful place with my heart full and my mind at ease. It’s a destination not for the faint of heart. This place will change you and transform you in ways you may not immediately understand. For those wanting to go beyond the beaten paths of Mykonos and Santorini… southern Crete is one of the jewels in the crown of Greece.

 

Back in September Mode

Mýkonos earth and sea

Hello my dear readers.

 

I was away on a much needed vacation and will soon be back on a steady weekly blog posting journey with many stories, images and interesting topics to discuss.

 

My travels brought me close to dear friends, old lovers, new family members, young souls, old souls and new adventures. This trip to Greece was peppered with deep conversations, belly clenching laughter, revelations, tears, and hours upon hours of embraces.

Being home being with my people, with those I love is always a big boost of energy and creativity. There is nothing else like it, and you can’t duplicate it anywhere else. The colors, smells and tastes of Greece are unique to the soil, the air and the sea.

Sfakia — sweet water beach

There is much more to come in the next couple of weeks.

Hold on to your seats!

ESK

 

Θερινός Έρως  Καλοκαίρι…. Summer Love Happened so fast

 

Αύγουστος 1993 — Κλείνω τα μάτια και αφήνομαι σε ένα υπέροχο ταξίδι αναμνήσεων.  Τα πρώτα μας καλοκαίρια μόνες μας χωρίς τους γονείς μας,  όταν ήσουν δεκαπέντε, δεκαεφτά χρονών. Τα πρώτα φλερτ, η άμμος να σου ζεσταίνει το δέρμα και εσύ με κοιτούσες λοξά με αυτό το ειρωνικό βλέμμα που λέει πολλά και δε λέει τίποτα συνάμα. Θυμάμαι να γελάω με μια παρέα φίλων μας που δεν ξαναείδα ποτέ από εκείνο το καλοκαίρι.  Μαζευτήκαμε στη παραλία της Σαρωνίδας, κωλόπαιδα και χαμένοι στις ορμόνες μας.  Μόνο η Σοφία έμεινε, από αυτούς τους γνωστούς-φίλους, που μοιάζει με άλλη ζωή πια. Όποτε περνάω από τη Σαρωνίδα για τα Λεγρενά τους σκέφτομαι άραγε που να είναι τώρα.

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Saronida Beach, Attika
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Legrena Beach, Attika

Αύγουστος 1995 -Κλείνω τα μάτια πάλι και βρίσκομαι στα πρώτα μου καλοκαίρια στη Μύκονο, στο Caprice μπαρ, μικρή Βενετία, να ξεπροβάλλει η πανσέληνος, τα νερά να χρυσίζουν μετά τη δύση του ηλίου. Χόρεψα πάνω στο μπαρ για πρώτη φορά στα 6 και τελευταία στα 36, και τώρα πια σαν τη παλιά μου ζωή, έχει κλείσει αυτό το κεφάλαιο. (καλύτερα βέβαια λέω μέσα μου, καιρός ήταν να ανοίξει κάτι καινούργιο).  Γνώρισα το νησί από την καλή και την ανάποδη, την φωτεινή και τη πολύ σκοτεινή του πλευρά. Κατάλαβα πόσο γλυκό μπορεί να είναι ένα καλοκαίρι μετά από τη πικρία και απογοήτευση του χειμώνα. Καθισμένη με ένα κρασάκι στο μπαλκόνι μου στη Λια, με θέα τα Διβούνια, πάντα αναπολώ τις στιγμές που το νησί δεν ήταν τόσο γεμάτο κόσμο και ήταν “δικό μας”.

Εκεί γεννήθηκε η φιλία μου με τη Βίβιαν, τη “μεγάλη μου αδερφή”, εκεί μας υιοθέτησε μια παραλία που είναι πια ο παράδεισος μας, η οικογένειά μας και το “σπίτι” μας. Δε θα πω πια… τη κρατάμε μυστικό για όσους πραγματικά την αγαπάνε και τη σέβονται.  Εκεί γνώρισα έρωτες και φλερτ, εκεί γνώρισα τους πιο σκοτεινούς και ύπουλους ανθρώπους, εκεί γνώρισα υπέροχες φιλίες που κρατάνε χρόνια… Ένας μικρόκοσμος πάνω σε ένα κυκλαδίτικο νησί.

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Little Venice

 

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Caprice Bar Mykonos
Mýkonos – windmills

Off the coast of Lia Beach – Mýkonos

Αύγουστος 1994 -Θυμάμαι επίσης αυτό το απαίσιο καλοκαίρι στην Άνδρο που αρρώστησα με το που έφαγα αυτή τη καταραμένη Φρουτάλια και ξέρναγα όλο το βράδυ, με είχε ρημάξει ο πυρετός, η παρέα ήταν ανυπόφορη, και δεν ήθελα να μείνω άλλο. Έφυγα την επόμενη μέρα, άφησα πίσω μου το νησί και τη κακή παρέα. Η κατάρα ευτυχώς δε κράτησε για πολύ, ξανά πήγα μετά από μερικά χρόνια και έκατσα στο πιο όμορφο μπαλκόνι του νησιού μαζί με μια φίλη παντοτινή.  Μοιραστήκαμε τις ιστορίες μας, διαβάσαμε ποίηση, μαγειρέψαμε πανέμορφα γεύματα, και αγάπησα πάλι την Άνδρο σε όλο της το μεγαλείο.

Αύγουστος 2016  Επισκέφτηκα το νησί εκ νέου μαζί με τις αδελφές ψυχές μου, δύο υπέροχες γυναίκες που μπορώ να πω είναι η καλύτερη κοριτσοπαρέα, γιατί για να είμαστε ειλικρινείς μόνο με αδερφές ψυχές μπορείς να πηγαίνεις διακοπές. Με περιμένουν και φέτος να σαρώσουμε τις Κυκλάδες.

Αύγουστος  2009– γνώρισα τη παρέα, τη παραλία, και τη τοποθεσία  που θα μου άλλαζε τη ζωή, και συνάμα γνώρισα το νησί που θα μου άλλαζε τα πάντα. Νότια Κρήτη, Γλυκά Νερά, 20 άτομα παρέα, με παρέσυραν, φλέρταρα μετά από δύο χρόνια σε μια δύσκολη σχέση, με φίλησε, αφέθηκα στο κύμα και στο γέλιο τους, επέμειναν να αλλάξω τα σχέδια μου, έμεινα όλο το βράδυ μέχρι το πρωί, σε άφησα να με αγγίξεις αλλά ήξερα ότι δε θα σε ξαναδώ ποτέ. Θα ξαναπάω φέτος στο ίδιο ταβερνάκι, μαζί με την αγάπη μου μέσα μου, και γύρω μου. Θα περπατήσω την ίδια διαδρομή μέχρι τη μαγική αυτή παραλία.  θα βγάλω τα παπούτσια και τα ρούχα μου και θα αφεθώ στην υπέροχα μαγεία του Λιβυκού. Πολλά έχουν αλλάξει, ωστόσο κάτι παραμένει το ίδιο… με περιμένει ένας διπλός μέτριος καφές και ένα γλυκό στη Δέσποινα… (μου το έχει τάξει και το περιμένω πως και πως)

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Cafe Despina- Sfakia Crete
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Glyka Nera Beach- Sfakia

 

Αύγουστος 2004. Πριν από εκείνο το καλοκαίρι ήμασταν 400 ξένοι μεταξύ μας. Μετά από 4 μήνες πρόβες, γίναμε μια ομάδα, μια οικογένεια, μια μικρή κοινωνία. Χορέψαμε μαζί γελάσαμε μαζί, κλάψαμε από υπερηφάνεια μαζί. Πάσχιζα να βγάλω αυτή τη γαμημένη μπογιά από το πρόσωπό μου μετά από κάθε πρόβα, αλλά ήταν το ποιο όμορφο ταξίδι που έχω ζήσει. Θυμάμαι να μη μας νοιάζει το λιοπύρι του Ασπρόπυργου, γιατί κάπως γνωρίζαμε όλοι ότι ήμασταν μέρος μιας ιστορικής βραδιάς.  Το Ολυμπιακό στάδιο, έλαμψε στις ζεστές μέρες του Αυγούστου. Ζήσαμε με εμπειρία που μας ένωσε όλους ψυχή, και σώμα. Ομολογώ ότι ίσως για μία και μοναδική φορά στη ζωή μας ήμασταν όλοι υπερήφανοι ως Έλληνες. Κρατάω ακόμα επαφή με μερικούς μετά από 13 χρόνια, ελπίζω όλοι να είναι καλά.

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Athens 2004 Olympics Opening Ceremony– Author second from the right

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Athens 2004 Opening Ceremony- Author third far right

 

Αύγουστος 2017 μετράω τις μέρες… να συναντήσω τα παλιά μονοπάτια, να νιώσω τον ήλιο και να με τρελάνει ο ήχος των τζιτζικιών το απομεσήμερο όταν κοιμάμαι μετά από ένα υπέροχο γεύμα πάνω στη παραλία με φίλους. Να ερωτευθώ τη ζωή ξανά μέσα στις καυτές μέρες του καλοκαιριού. Φέτος θα είναι το πιο όμορφο απ’ όλα, κοντά σε φίλους παντοτινούς, κοντά σε γνώριμες γειτονιές, με ανθρώπους δικούς μας που μας γεμίζουν τη ψυχή και με παρέες που μας κάνουν να ξεχνάμε και να θυμόμαστε μαζί.

 

Καλό καλοκαίρι…