27 Day Challenge Revisited- Quarantine Edition Day 1.

Finding balance in uncertain times.

It’s midnight March 29th, 2020. Two days after my 27 day challenge has drawn to a close; I celebrated my 42nd birthday in the confines of my living room, thankfully safe and in good health. Truth be told I’m lucky. I have a place to live, I have my health, and for a brief moment after I wake up, for about 10 minutes before I’m fully aware of time or the day, I allow myself the illusion that everything is normal.

Today was another rainy cinematic day in New York and despite the general fear and uncertainty surrounding our daily lives, I got into my bright aubergine raincoat and took a long overdue walk. I’ve been self quarantined for a full two weeks. The days keep blending into one another. I don’t know about you but the waves of fear, anger, panic, calm, self study, and quiet reflection are on rinse and repeat. I had an image of my self in my mind the other day of trying to stay afloat in the open sea, with choppy water and trying oh so desperately not to swallow sea water again and again. Being able to stay afloat mentally and emotionally is like calling upon all the skills I’ve ever studied over the years and actually putting them into full action. There is no more pretending here, either it will work or it won’t.

I’ve spoken to many of my close friends and one thing that keeps coming up is this deep desire for an anchor, a connection point. We’re all feeling a mixture of extreme feelings of loss, grief of whatever normalcy our lives had, and repeated moments of deep need to connect and be heard. Social distancing doesn’t however mean isolation. We are not alone. You are not alone. Keeping that balance however difficult is necessary, imperative even.

Reaching out, writing about this, on a daily basis as my new 27 day challenge, has morphed into an open diary, discussion hub and reflection center. I welcome anyone who would like to share their experiences in a live discussion that I will set up on zoom in the days to come.

Till tomorrow… ride the waves, and breathe.

A New Feminine


I recently attended a  workshop and discussion on Tantra as a methodology and philosophy. In my 20 years of yoga practice, I am still learning of this vast body of knowledge, of which I have explored very few aspects of.

For any one curious about Tantra, its origins its philosophy and its many offshoots; thousands of books have been written on the matter, some from a Yoga perspective, some from a spiritual practice and of course the more widely talked about and frequently advertised sexual explorations.

The divine feminine/ masculine the transformation of energy and sexual energy into something spiritual is a multi layered and multi faceted subject. It’s not just about sex. My problem with the workshop I attended, and many more that are out there on the philosophy of Tantra; is that most people will reduce this sacred ancient tradition to a new spice in their sexual exploration cabinet.

How do we deeply connect to these concepts without distorting them? How do we show reverence and respect for such traditions without transforming them into sound bites, easy quotes and convenient tricks?

For what seems to be the “the meeting of man and woman; the transformation of energy through sex, love and meditation. ” (Osho) becomes a gimmick and a pick up line.

Tapping into the deeper layers of Shiva and Shakti energy within us, the inner masculine and inner feminine traits take time, and deep devotion. In this fast paced world of instant pleasure, and porn culture, I’m afraid these practices are somewhat lost to most who seek to understand them.

For what modern feminism has sadly become is this man hating, castrating society and then the eventual rise of women in a man made world. Yes women have been oppressed, men have been given some sort of “god given” right to be superior, and the patriarchal societies have been built to oppress that which they come from. Yes all of this is true but what we’ve left out is the third aspect of the union between male and female energy and that is the divine.

Yet we’ve grown up thinking (myself included), that equality means denying our nature, our amazing feminine nature, and distorting it to making women think they are always  inferior and men superior. This way of thinking leaves women with the only choice left to them to even the playing field in this distorted world, and that is “to act” like men… which isn’t the fucking point.

If any one is interested in Reading more about Tantra here is a beginner’s guide :

Tantra Illuminated

Tantra : The Supreme Understanding, OSHO

In the moment

You know it’s about those moments; Those times when you are absolutely and without a doubt; content with who you are, what you’re doing and where you need to be.

Everything else melts away and you are here, now, present.

Those moments when everyone else is in slow motion and all you hear is your breath and the quiet spaces in between.

Those moments when all the negativity, the passions the complications, the half truths, and unfinished business of life; are all irrelevant, because they are not that important after all.

The only thing that matters is now. Everything before and after, is a need to remember and a wish to know more.

We long for the past, we wish it turned out differently, lament its absence and struggle to let go. Then we plan for a future; something we know nothing about, we worry about things that haven’t happened yet and set goals for what may happen; and only thing that really matters is our daily participation in our present; that is the only guarantee.

In these moments meditation happens. We let go of our senses we let go of our expectations we let go of our need to survive and just exist. We shed our masks, our personas, our ideas of ourselves and others and connect with nature, connect with ourselves, connect with our breath and actually pay attention, to the NOW.

Those are rare moments, and they shouldn’t be.

Next time you are at that place, take a step back, take a breath and be present.