Tag: psychology

The art of finding Joy

Joy is not a one time event, it’s a long term commitment. 

Do what makes you happy. Find joy in the little things. We’ve heard this over and over again, slapped on self-help books, motivational memes, and feel good posts on social media. Everything we do, or strive for is for the sake of happiness, joy, contentment, elation; that happy PLACE.
We often equate joy with major external changes, big dreams rather than what’s happening in the present moment.

For years I searched for the the big joys:

Receiving my degrees, getting my first real job, traveling to new and inspiring places, creating big art projects, taking and giving yoga retreats, throwing big parties, and the list goes on and on. All those things gave me joy, but all too often after the joy or newness was gone; I found myself seeking joy like some junkie looks for the next good fix. I tried to find it in other people, in pleasing others, in involving myself with the next fun adventure, but in the end the joy didn’t stick.

The fix wears off.

We get addicted to external joy and happiness in the same way we get addicted to the feeling of a drug induced euphoria ; we hope we really HOPE it will solve all our problems, BUT when the euphoria ends, the problems and the sense of emptiness remain.

When we are faced with the herculean task of finding and generating our own joy, the little things gain importance. The little things matter. I have been to countless coaches, healers, therapists and spirit guides, and the one thing they all have spoken about is finding your own inner joy. This however is not a quick fix scheme. It takes work, it takes effort, it takes… COMMITMENT… (yeah that one). And in the end we still don’t know if we will get the return on our investment.

With that perspective in mind; moments of joy can be treated as deposits in our own personal well being, that eventually will reflect back to us what we have given. If you are a miser with your joy, life will be a miser back. If you are stingy with the way you see the world, it will repay you with the same currency. Denying moments of personal joy because of circumstance, or financial worries, or “situations” eventually rob us from our personal quality of life. So here are my 10 + 1 list of Joy Tokens

10+1 Joy Tokens for everyday:

  • It’s a fine day — pick an inspiring place and go for a short walk. (It’s free)
  • Wake up or go to bed a half hour earlier and read something that inspires you or motivates you.
  • Make a small, simple meal out of maximum 3 ingredients.
  • The sun is out- sit in it for 10 minutes in silence, no phone or book.
  • Listen to your favorite song, artist, album all the way through like you would the first time
  • Look up!
  • If you have a cat or dog give love… receive love. Same goes for plants!
  • Spend one hour taking care of your body (stretch, exfoliate, take a long bath, paint your nails, shave, moisturize, etc.) Self care helps calm the parasympathetic nervous system and gives us a sense of calm. GUYS TOO!
  • Give joy to someone else — give someone (even a stranger) a compliment, give a hug, make someone laugh.
  • Walk barefoot in grass, sand, or in nature.
  • Write down what gives you joy and share this exercise with others.

Try these or your money back!

Share some joy, in these trying times we all need it, but most importantly, much like energy; joy is neither created or destroyed; it’s amplified. Feel free to share, comment and pass this post on.

If you want to go back and read part of my 27 post challenge check the posts below.
Featured Image by : Eric Snell Design- Find him at
https://www.esnelldesign.com/

How you project yourself may not be how other people see you.

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Photograph by Eric Snell (@esnelldesign)

We’ve all had that moment.

We are projecting one version of ourselves, yet a completely different person is being reflected back at us.

We see ourselves one way and others see us in a completely different light.

Where do these two perceptions clash?

Most of it is based on people’s own stream of consciousness and not what we project.

We think no one is noticing us, while there are clearly people drawn to us, our energy, and who we are. Or the idea of who we might be in their head. We hardly notice or welcome people’s gaze, attention, or reflections of us, in a society where everyone is on social media posting every aspect of our lives.

Yet… with all this communication, there is clearly a big deficit in actual communication.

I’ve done this many times and I’m sure everyone does. 

I fantasize about who people are, rather than actually seeing them for who they are.

My exploration of these dual realities and images comes at a very pivotal time. I have only recently discovered what I can simply call “my authentic self”. I am still battling with my perceived awkwardness of the pimply shy teenager I used to be, the one no one wants to talk to, and everyone makes fun of, and there are plenty of times I think I’m still that awkward girl. I often hope I go unnoticed, lurking in the shadows observing others.

I battled that fear of exposure, and people taking notice of who I was, or who they thought I was,  when I posed for various photographers in the five years I’ve lived in New York. Some nude, some for Yoga purposes, some for fun. I continue to be open and vulnerable in my recent work performing my poetry in front of complete strangers. (that was a challenge!)

In every instance I haven’t seen myself as particularly attractive, interesting or photogenic, but more theatrical and obscure. A curiosity.

Yet the response I get from people, is that of someone who is quite different. After I turned 40 all the shyness and awkwardness of my youth has slowly faded away.

Claiming space, claiming my worth, my voice, beauty, or image as a woman; has been a very interesting exploration. But I’m still baffled at how others perceive me.

How we see ourselves may not be hour others see us. 

We are shaped by a myriad of references. Cultural experiences being one of them. I grew up in Greece in the late 70’s and 80’s  and then again in the early 2000’s. Despite my American accent and passport, everything about who I am and have become is shaped by my life in Greece. Recently a friend said to me “oh you’re such a Greek-American!” which is a blatant fact. I belong to two worlds, two camps, two realities. Often opposing each other vehemently. Depending on my surroundings; like a chameleon I absorb cultural references I grew up with, and mold them to my current reality. You never know what you’re going to get!

Yet time and time again, others who observe us, will see something purely based on their own perceptions. We ALL do that, sometimes to our advantage, sometimes to our detriment.

Next time you observe someone, before you impose your idea of them, let them unfold in front of you unobstructed by your own perceptions.

You might be surprised by what you receive.

Letting go of fear- Lock and Key

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We’ve all felt it. It paralyzes us. It leaves us numb, without a way out. We all know it, that feeling of being helpless and fearful. Fear can be a necessary tool, it keeps us alive if we hold back from jumping off tall buildings to see if we can land in one piece,  it keeps us safe from fatal harm, it keeps us from making sometimes really stupid mistakes, but in many cases it stops us from living lives full of wonder and joy. The older we grow the more fearful we become and one thing a 20 plus yoga practice has taught me is the playfulness and joy doesn’t have to dissipate just because we let our fears and insecurities take over.

Fear can rob us from opening doors or perception of dreams and of possibilities that could make our lives richer, more luscious and more beautiful.

But what if we just turned the key and looked beyond our fear? Yes, it’s harder to do than to say, yet there it is beckoning us, the unknown, the undiscovered.

We’ve always had the key to the lock. Sometimes it IS as easy and taking it out and trying it out. And what If we fail? And what if we fall down and scrape our ego? And what? What if we fall in love and have our heart broken, what if we tell the truth and get rejected?

Nothing.

You get the fuck up and keep trying. Because you can’t let fear drive the car. You can’t let this mind numbing agent steal your life from you because life is way to short to live in fear.

Don’t let it.