Category: Growth, development

Instant Gratification is not your friend.

Quick fixes do more harm than good.

Ever present is the idea that, if we take a pill, our problems will be fixed. If we commit in the surface of going to the gym, eating right, practicing meditation or yoga, going to therapy; things will just automatically lift off our shoulders and all the issues we’ve been battling with since childhood; just disappear.

Change, betterment, transformation, improvement, and healing are long term commitments; not the short term “feel good” solutions, they are portrayed to be.

I’ve been practicing yoga and fitness for 20 plus years, and the vice that always got in the way of my practice, my life, and my relationships with others, is the need for instant gratification and instant solutions. Staying with something long enough to see change, or realizing that ephemeral enjoyment doesn’t translate into long term change, is something I learned the hard way. It is all too often that I see these patterns with my students and clients. If I give them “homework” to do most of them don’t follow through or forget to commit to their own self improvement, giving in to excuses, and short term inadequate solutions. We all do it.

Setting a goal and achieving that goal is the difference between an idea and a plan.

If you see instant anywhere in your life, coffee, food, fitness, (sorry Suzanne summers), business plans, sex, affection, repairs (yes those too); step back and think again. Taking stock of what we really want to achieve in our lives, steers us away from doing what’s easy or fast. Committing to doing what is best and maintaining that, demands a very fine balance of personal accountability and self knowledge. Giving in to our cravings, our instant joy, our sweet tooth, or social pressures to “get it done quickly” will only harm and derail us in the process of self improvement, depriving us in the end of setting any goals worthy of follow through.

Next time when things get challenging or busy or too much, take a step back and fight to finish what you started, no shortcuts or excuses. Do the 30 day challenge and actually stick to it for life.

If you liked this article or any of the previous ones published on my blog, please pass it along, sign up, subscribe and stay on track! Feel free to look back at old posts and archives here:


The art of finding Joy

Joy is not a one time event, it’s a long term commitment. 

Do what makes you happy. Find joy in the little things. We’ve heard this over and over again, slapped on self-help books, motivational memes, and feel good posts on social media. Everything we do, or strive for is for the sake of happiness, joy, contentment, elation; that happy PLACE.
We often equate joy with major external changes, big dreams rather than what’s happening in the present moment.

For years I searched for the the big joys:

Receiving my degrees, getting my first real job, traveling to new and inspiring places, creating big art projects, taking and giving yoga retreats, throwing big parties, and the list goes on and on. All those things gave me joy, but all too often after the joy or newness was gone; I found myself seeking joy like some junkie looks for the next good fix. I tried to find it in other people, in pleasing others, in involving myself with the next fun adventure, but in the end the joy didn’t stick.

The fix wears off.

We get addicted to external joy and happiness in the same way we get addicted to the feeling of a drug induced euphoria ; we hope we really HOPE it will solve all our problems, BUT when the euphoria ends, the problems and the sense of emptiness remain.

When we are faced with the herculean task of finding and generating our own joy, the little things gain importance. The little things matter. I have been to countless coaches, healers, therapists and spirit guides, and the one thing they all have spoken about is finding your own inner joy. This however is not a quick fix scheme. It takes work, it takes effort, it takes… COMMITMENT… (yeah that one). And in the end we still don’t know if we will get the return on our investment.

With that perspective in mind; moments of joy can be treated as deposits in our own personal well being, that eventually will reflect back to us what we have given. If you are a miser with your joy, life will be a miser back. If you are stingy with the way you see the world, it will repay you with the same currency. Denying moments of personal joy because of circumstance, or financial worries, or “situations” eventually rob us from our personal quality of life. So here are my 10 + 1 list of Joy Tokens

10+1 Joy Tokens for everyday:

  • It’s a fine day — pick an inspiring place and go for a short walk. (It’s free)
  • Wake up or go to bed a half hour earlier and read something that inspires you or motivates you.
  • Make a small, simple meal out of maximum 3 ingredients.
  • The sun is out- sit in it for 10 minutes in silence, no phone or book.
  • Listen to your favorite song, artist, album all the way through like you would the first time
  • Look up!
  • If you have a cat or dog give love… receive love. Same goes for plants!
  • Spend one hour taking care of your body (stretch, exfoliate, take a long bath, paint your nails, shave, moisturize, etc.) Self care helps calm the parasympathetic nervous system and gives us a sense of calm. GUYS TOO!
  • Give joy to someone else — give someone (even a stranger) a compliment, give a hug, make someone laugh.
  • Walk barefoot in grass, sand, or in nature.
  • Write down what gives you joy and share this exercise with others.

Try these or your money back!

Share some joy, in these trying times we all need it, but most importantly, much like energy; joy is neither created or destroyed; it’s amplified. Feel free to share, comment and pass this post on.

If you want to go back and read part of my 27 post challenge check the posts below.
Featured Image by : Eric Snell Design- Find him at
https://www.esnelldesign.com/

Day 27. A poem for my young self.

A celebration in verse

I wrote a poem to my newborn self. Something of a reflection in time and what I would say to her if she were in my arms today. Here is the English version with a Greek one to follow. I want to thank you all for following my 27 post challenge. I will continue to post interesting and provocative work in the year to come. Join me and feel free to share and comment.

Namaste

E.


If I were to gaze upon my younger self I would give her the warmest embrace.
Welcome to this crazy world we live in kiddo.
Pleased to meet you amazing girl with the caramel curls and those eyes so green they’re like
a thousand olive trees, swishing in the wind.

If I were to whisper to my young self, I would tell her how much I love every single part of her. Nothing is flawed nothing is tainted, you’re perfect.
You are worth it.
Every single day.

If I were to meet my newborn self I would tell her that she has more strength in her little finger than 10 men combined. You’re a superhero.
Damn girl you gonna take over the world.
And then I would twirl with her in my arms till she giggled a little.

If I were to speak to my newborn self I would say to her: never doubt your heart and mind.
You are one of kind. A diamond in the rough, so tough
Yet soft and delicate like a spring flower.
You won’t cower to the ones telling you what and how to be.
No way no how.
You will fight like an amazon and honor your tribe.
Your tribe is your people, your friends, your lovers your mother and father.
Some will betray you and lose your trust but never let your heart get tough.
Be soft with those who don’t get it and don’t let it steal your compassion and passion for life.
There will be strife.

People will want to hurt you because they can’t love themselves.
But remember you are my star in the sky.
I look at you for wisdom because you don’t let anyone break your stride.
You are fiiiiine sister, don’t let anyone get outta line.
I worship the ground you tread on, because you’re in my head telling me what is right and what is wrong.
You don’t falter. You know damn well where you want to go.
Don’t let go of your dreams sister.
Don’t let go of your innocence your laughter.

No one can come after that.
Like a drop of a hat.
I fell for you.
Those dimples they cripple me as I stare at your infinite beauty.

Beautiful girl with the caramel curls and eyes so green thy’re like a field of olive trees
Swishing in the wind.


Αν θα μπορούσα να αντικρίσω τον νεογέννητο μου εαυτό.
Θα με αγκάλιαζα με τόση αγάπη που θα με νιώθω ακόμα και όταν δεν είμαι εκεί
Αν θα μπορούσα να ψιθυρίσω στο νεογέννητο μου εαυτό.
Θα έλεγα: θα σε αγαπήσω όσο κανείς άλλος στο κόσμο.
Αν θα μπορούσα να συναντήσω το νεογέννητο κορίτσι που είμαι, εγώ
Θα της έδειχνα πόση δύναμη έχει στο μικρό της δαχτυλάκι
Θα της έλεγα πόσο αντέχει στις δυσκολίες και στο πόνο όσο κανένας άλλος εδώ
Όχι δε θα της έλεγα ψέματα.
Δε θα της έλυνα όλα τα θέματα
Είσαι πιό δυνατή από αυτό.

Αν θα μπορούσα να μιλήσω στο νεογέννητο μου εαυτό
Θα της έλεγα…

Είσαι υπέροχη έτσι όπως είσαι
Θα ξαφνιάσεις πολλούς και δεν θα μπορέσουν να σε κατανοήσουν.
Μα μη πτοείσαι.
Δεν είσαι για τους λιποψυχους εσύ  
Με τη μπούκλα τη ξανθιά θα αφήνεις ανέμελα τα μαλλιά σου να ανεμίζουν
Όσο ατενίζεις ενδιαφέρουσες πόλεις και προορισμούς.
Για φαντάσου!
Θα ταξιδέψεις, θα ονειρευτείς θα αγαπήσεις
Αλλά θα τη πατήσεις

Γιατί θα ξεχασεις πόσο μοναδική είσαι.
Αλλά θα είμαι εκεί να στο ξαναθυμίσω
Θα σβήσεις από μέσα σου κάθε οργή και θλίψη και
Θα ξανα αγαπήσεις.

Χωρίς ποιήματα κορίτσι δεν έχει ενδιαφέρον η ζωή
Πέσε με τα μούτρα στον έρωτα
Πέσε με τα μούτρα στην ηδονή
Διάβασε τα πάντα

Αγάπησε τους πάντες και ας μη σου δίνουν τίποτα για αντάλλαγμα
Δε χρειάζεται συνάλλαγμα συναισθημάτων εσύ
Εκεί….!

Δείξε υπομονή στους κόλακες και στους φτωχούς της ψυχής
Δε ξέρουν από μας.
Αλλά δε πειράζει.

Και ο πιό κακός αλλάζει χαρτί.
Γιατί το φως είναι πιο δυνατό από το σκοτάδι.

Και θα σου έδινα ένα χάδι στο μάγουλο με τη μικρή ελίτσα στο στόμα
Αυτή πού είχες από μικρή
Πού κάπου αχνοφαίνεται ακόμα.
Ακόμα.

Και θα με κοιτάξεις με αυτά τα υπέροχα πράσινα μάτια
Και θα σε ερωτευτώ.

Με τη μπούκλα καραμέλα και τα μάτια πράσινα σα χιλιάδες δέντρα ελιάς.
Μονομιάς σε αγάπησα χωρίς δεύτερη σκέψη.

Day 25. Independence

How do be carve our Independence within an increasingly controlling world.

Rebels with a cause. We want to make a difference, we want to break free from the shackles of conformity, get away from normalcy and shatter the feeling of imprisonment within our own lives. Everyday we are told that Freedom is a state of mind. But it’s clear to me that being truly Independent, free, non bound takes an enormous sense of responsibility and personal effort. True Independence is a lonely and often treacherous path. We claim we are free, we are individuals, we don’t need anyone to tell us what to do with our lives, yet we increasingly depend on others, we want someone to take control and fix things, we want someone else to be responsible for our freedom. And we all know where that leads.

Fighting for Freedom, means doing things on our own without any, ANY help or assistance from others, yet in the highly connected, dependent and “who do you answer to” society we live in, Independence (with a capital I) from the powerful and the controlling has increasingly become a stigma, a stain in the “shut up and put up” mentality .


we want someone to take control and fix things, we want someone else to be responsible for our freedom. And we all know where that leads.

We all need to better understand (myself included) what weight and what importance personal responsibility, and integrity entails. It’s not a burden many choose to carry lightly. Let’s be honest when the shit hits the fan, we all want to blame someone else, and when our independence (with a small i) is giving us gifts, we stand alone on that mountain top thinking we’re kings of our own kingdom, when in reality; shaky ground builds a shaky structure. When we truly access our Freedom, we have to understand it’s gravity and importance; not only in how we see ourselves, but in how we project our Freedom on others. Screaming independence while acting occupied, has been tried all too often as a substitute for the real thing, making it a very confusing message to base our “freedom” on.

See what Independence means to you and how can you really carve a path of Freedom in the eyes of occupied minds.

Want to read previous posts? Check out the links below !

*FEATURED IMAGE BY: Robert Valenzuela check out his work below:

https://www.instagram.com/the3rdrealm/

Day 22. Know thyself.

How it can take a lifetime to rediscover who we really are.

For the past couple of years, a week before my birthday, I sit down with myself in a very introspective way and have a conversation; to figure out “where I’m at” and where I’d like to go. This is more commonly passed around as taking stock of the year that’s passed (in these lovely self help kind of circles). I prefer to see it in a different light. If you were to have a more literal approach, it’s like emptying out your backpack, doing some spring cleaning, and seeing what weighs you down and what you still need to take with you in the next year, and if you need the backpack at all.

I’ve transformed birthdays from being this morose realization of aesthetic and body aging, to more of a celebration; I’m glad I’m alive and healthy to have a go at whatever dreams, projects, ideas, and insane firsts I’ve not tackled yet. I’ve written a lot about aging and “getting” older recently because frankly it’s something that concerns me; and not in the way it concerns most people.

I find that each year we get to create, evolve, try something new, rediscover who we are, (if we really knew in the first place), and take risks to expand and remap our horizons.

I was never a fan of: “well that’s it I’ve done it all, time to hang the towel.”

In the days approaching my birthday I sit down and do a litmus test of my path so far and where I’m headed; while asking the hard questions of myself that many others would not dare ask. This process brings out some guideposts for: How to get to know yourself better.

Upon learning ourselves better, we then establish what we’re capable of. All too often we adopt labels, philosophies, societal constructs, norms and limitations (self imposed or otherwise), causing more confusion and far less clarity about who and what we want and who we really are. Without making a huge fuss, I write down what I want to work on and what I feel has run it’s course; be it with work, passions, relationships, projects, ideas, philosophies, and personal traditions. In the past I’ve taken up reading books like

The Bhagavad Gita

The Four Agreements

The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali

Ancient Greek mythology and philosophy

and the list goes on and on, but at the end of the day these are just mere suggestions. We have to look within for our own wisdom and truths and not be pushed or pulled in directions that we don’t fully comprehend. Knowing something and really understanding it, has been my focus for the past few years, because a lot of the philosophies or ideals that I’ve adopted over the years either don’t serve me anymore or have become a roadblock to further self discovery.


I’ve written a lot about aging and “getting” older recently because frankly it’s something that concerns me; and not in the way it concerns most people.

Self knowledge and self study, requires patience, practice, risk and above all willpower. We have to want to know ourselves better to take the first step. Sort of like admitting you’re an addict is the first step to combating addiction. Getting stuck is part of the human condition, but what we possess is the innate ability to question, rephrase, recapture and reassess, in the ever winding journey to knowing ourselves fully and not just better.

This technique of course isn’t just for once a year. Taking the time to take stock, find a quiet space and reconnect with who we are (rather than who we want to be); will lead us much faster to letting go of who we are NOT.

Day 20. Defining Oneself.

How to be “common” and still stand out.

One thing I’ve realized as I get older and more secure in who I am is; Finding my identity is a journey that cannot be rushed. I’ve changed, transformed and evolved over the years, and I’m sure this vessel that’s carrying this woman I was, and will become has more transformations in store. We are not monolithic, and should not be made to believe that we have to adhere to labels, stories and caricatures of who we are. Uniqueness is not a weakness.

I never saw myself as particularly pretty growing up. Ever wanting to blend in instead of standing out (a losing battle); it took me a very long time to embrace this quirky, person that wanted to come out. Much like many of the people I’ve met who genuinely struggle fit the mold; I was very badly bullied in grade school and middle school in Greece. I felt lesser, I felt ugly I felt stupid and I recycled these images of myself as someone who had absolutely nothing to offer. This is not uncommon among young teens all over the world. We all have heard the stories. Young boys and girls who were locked in this cycle of pleasing others, seeming normal and not ever discovering their true identity until in some cases it’s too late.

I’m not a “normal woman, and in reality who is?

One of the things I tell people struggling to find their voice (as I did for years), is that whatever is considered strange or not normal about them makes them incredibly unique. Not in the “we’re all special” type of unique, but in: being able to reflect our own personal perspective on the vastness of conformity, normalizing and image making that surrounds us.

We’re all bombarded by lifestyles, examples of what’s pretty, what’s attractive, whats beautiful, what’s manly, what’s feminine and what’s acceptable behavior and ultimately what passes for “normal”. This rings even more loudly for women, who have been constantly told who, what, in what way and how often they should exist. Hiding behind titles of description was never my strong suit.


We are not monolithic, and should not be made to believe that we have to adhere to labels, stories and caricatures of who we are. Uniqueness is not a weakness.

Existing, defining, redefining and allowing ourselves to be who we are is not and will not be dictated by anyone else. Sure we all may need guideposts, ideas, and inspiration but the allowance of personal identity CANNOT be scripted by anyone else but US.

So GO ahead.

Show us who you really are.

stock photograph: Lady Gaga Inspired!

Featured Image ( on the heading) taken by: Robert Valenzuela, who is a gifted photographer, war veteran and all around crazy guy. Please give him a follow on Instagram : @the3rdrealm

If you want to make a difference; I recently came across the Born This Way Foundation and will be donating on the day of the last post of the series (March, 27Th). If you care to join me; log on, donate and make a difference to young people struggling to find their way.

Day 16. – A Nomadic Life

How to roam the world and still build roots.

If there is one thing that captures my attention more than anything else; it’s travel. Traveling is my drug of choice. Ever since I can remember my family and I have lived a very nomadic life. I grew up in Greece, left as a teenager for studies in the U.S and London, and went back as a young adult, only to leave again 13 years later and reestablish a life in New York at the age of 35. Something tells me I’m not done moving around… yet.

Setting up a life in another place no matter how familiar or routine it sounds; takes a mixture of guts, stupidity, throw caution to the wind bravery, thirst for adventure, and insanity. Yet, I’ve done it 3 times.

This life I’ve chosen, first chose me. Anyone who gets out of their familiar place, packs up their life and moves to a completely different place; is a nomad. I will not get into the discussion of our current state of global refugee crisis, because that is a choice no one should have to make. That being said, all of humanity was built upon the idea that we wanted, needed, aspired to explore other places, live a different life than the one presented to us, and just GO.

My mother boarded a boat in 1972 with my father, and left the only life she knew to be real; only to land in a country under dictatorship in one of the most tumultuous times in Greece’s history. My father, seven years earlier got a scholarship to go study Architecture in western Massachusetts at age 18, never having left Europe, let alone Greece before. My mother was 27 and my father 25, and looking back on it, I am quite certain the bug was in my DNA way before my father and my mother met.

My Greek ancestors were a mixture of cultures and traditions taking them to Turkey, Albania, and possibly even Northern Africa. My American ancestry leads me to villages in the UK and Germany and now I live in a city comprised of every culture under the sun, only to want to explore more of this world first hand.

Discovering new places, and our inexplicable attraction, adoration and love for lands far from our birth, is what is exciting about leading a somewhat nomadic life, yet with each place I live in, I find that it can’t give you what you seek unless you fully commit to living there. Transience isn’t something I felt comfortable with, no-matter where I lived. In Greece we have a phrase for those who’ve emigrated, to other parts of the world (and over the years it’s been millions): Whatever land you find yourself on, that is your country, that is your home. (Όπου γη και πατρίς).

With that in mind I’ve always urged others to take a leap of faith, explore, travel, live somewhere else if you can, risk comforts and familiarity because we leave our old selves behind when we have to embrace a new way of life. If we return to our place of birth; we do so with a much larger picture, a global view, a different story.

Enjoy !

Day 12. Lent- Σαρακοστή

How an old tradition translates into the modern age.

Every “clean monday” which is the first day of lent prior to the celebration of Easter in Greece, heralds the period of 40 days of preparing our bodies and minds for the coming of Easter. Even though I’m not in the least bit religious, I have followed a version of this transition over the years and especially while living in Greece.

Every Καθαρά Δευτέρα (clean monday), Greece celebrates this season of lent with cooking and serving foods that don’t have any blood in it  (fish, animal meat and it’s derivatives- dairy and eggs). Shell fish and mollusks (octopus, squid) are served in abundance, including fish roe salad (taramosalata), beans, greens (χόρτα), olives, and a shit ton of tahini. (no it’s not a condiment).

Aside from indulging in the amazing cuisine, I’ve always taken a moment to take out, take a break and reassess three things that I can definitely do without for 40 days. This period of time between our carnival season (απόκρεω – which literally translates to obtaining from meat) and Easter is a time for self reflection, removing of heavy foods that tire our digestion all year and removing things, ways of thinking and habits that no longer serve a purpose. With all the modern fad diets out there, claiming they are the next best thing. This simple ritual cuts through the overwhelming information out there about “juice cleansing” and magic pills, and brings attention to our personal responsibility to live well, treat our bodies with respect and find moments for quiet self reflection. 

With that in mind here are the three things I’m giving up for lent, and three things I’m replacing them with. 

WHAT IS OUT:

  1. No sugar and alcohol or any processed foods.
  2. Engaging in harmful, gossip like conversations.
  3.  Electronic screen time or eliminating all screen time aside from my work and writing.

WHAT IS IN:

  1. Daily Yoga and Meditation practice
  2. Make time to have more meaningful conversations.
  3. Reading and researching about the subjects that inspire and enrich my knowledge. 

What can you do without for 40 days and what would you replace it with?

I look forward to hearing stories about your personal “lent”.

Day 9 and 10- The art of doing nothing.

How to master the art just being.

This is of course a battle I often lose, so let me preface this post, by clarifying; I’m absolutely incapable of doing nothing. This very challenging task of course brought up the idea to place myself in a battle of the wills, and force myself to do nothing.

I failed miserably.

As we all know forcing anything is still the act of doing something.

I decided to take another stab at it this weekend. I started by taking a walk, with no particular route in mind and just walk. Even though I had a particular map in my head about where I would end up; I kept my mind on just walking and breathing.

This has probably been the most difficult thing I’ve ever undertaken. I’m not known for being able to stay idle and even on my days off I always find something to do. (even writing this post I had to set aside for anther day)

Living in a city that never sleeps, one often finds that it’s almost never silent. Given the task of not doing anything and being in as much silence as possible; my path took me to one of my favorite parts of New York.

Prospect Park, in Brooklyn has long been my sanctuary from the craziness of New York. Other than walking along a beach front anywhere in the world, the Park has become my “do nothing sanctuary.” There is where my mind relaxes it’s right grip and just IS. Finding that connection and being able to just exist with out a task or project in mind has been very difficult to even fathom, but as my body became more vulnerable to stress and exhaustion from overworking, this idea of non action has been a necessary remedy.

Everyday find a moment where you are task-less and quiet. Bring yourself the gift of doing absolutely nothing.

And don’t share it with anyone.

Happy ( almost) Spring.

Day 8. Her eyes- A poem

Celebrate the uncompromising women in your life.

Her Eyes

Still alive despite her fight to survive. Her defiance her drive. Alive. Her hope. She thrives. She defies the odds, she denies her supposed circumstances, her lost chances, her “fate”. You can’t deny her fire. Her desire. In spite…ofitall. She’s not too late, she will turn her life around. Rebound. Fly. Dribble through the rubble of her life. The strife. Destiny drives her still… despite her current situation.Pay attention to the spark in her… eyes. They are still alive. Despite her fight to survive. Her defiance her drive. She’s on fire.​

Happy International Women’s Day!