Category: observation

How to be resolute in your New Years Resolutions

Resolutions: We know where they go after the first month of the new year. They are promises kept or not kept. They end up being reminders of our commitment or lack there of to ourselves.

My list for 2020 starts with one idea:

Commitment.

Commitment was never my strong suit. I’ve been in relationships where the exit plan was laid out from day one. I’ve started projects I’ve never finished and promised myself better and never followed through.

So if I’m going to boldly enter this new decade. No bullshit, is a necessary ingredient of the recipe for success. Primarily no bull shit towards the things that matter. I’ve often seen how a lack of commitment is the ever dragging on of promises, bold statements and grand ideas that fizzle out all too quickly in the second month of the year because let’s face it, we mean well and then we fail, we forget, we get caught up in our own dramas, we promise and then we default on our own promises to ourselves.

This year, I’m not making any promises or bold statements. Life happens regardless of our intent, so keeping our commitments to ourselves and knowing that if we default on them, it’s our own self we let down. So here is my short list for 2020:

1. Eat well- whatever that means. Including sharing a meal with people you don’t usually eat with.

2. Protect and care for the body and mind. If we are preaching to the world how to live better ( including myself) doing the same for ourselves is basically imperative.

3. Worry less. far less.

4. Love more. Even those that can’t accept, understand or comprehend what that means. ( including ourselves)

5. Give less fucks. Period.

6. Forgive, move on, get over it and let go.

7. See more of the world, because life is way too short and way too precious, to be stuck in one place wondering how amazing the rest of the world is.

8. Be more vulnerable and honest even though it might hurt.

9. Dance. Alone, with others, to music and in silence.

10. Create, something, however small and insignificant it might seem at the time.

Promises are best kept when we accept we might not keep them. Resolutions change, life happens and we try our best to stay committed to ourselves. Happy Fucking New Year.

When life gives you lemons

How to change your viewpoint when the circumstances won’t.

Whatever life can thrown at us, we and only we have the power to transform something negative into something positive. There is no magic trick or special potion. Moments are cultivated and transformed with the idea that the only thing between progress and stagnancy is our own point of view.

When we’re faced with a twist of fate, a turn of events, or something we didn’t expect it feels like it’s all coming apart; our lives hanging at a balance, and the only thing really available to us is how we choose to see our circumstance. Yes of course easier said than done, but how else can we turn shit into gold? Be washing it off and starting over.

Each and every moment is a chance for creating a new line of thinking. The question is do we see the opportunity, in the silver lining or do we focus on the clouds? If life gives us a chance to change, then however painful or challenging that may be, resistance is never going to provide the result we want.

Making the most out of what may seem like misfortune, can lead from failure to success and a glass of lemonade.

Angels and Sinners

No one is all good or all bad.

In recent years I’ve come to understand that people who can be beacons of kindness, can also harbor shadows of darkness and unkindness. We are all made of the cloth of “good” and “evil”.

Owing much to the stagnancy in theoretical and religious notions of someone being bad or good; we tend to forget that we are capable of one AND the other. Picking a side is not clear every time. Consciously choosing kindness, nonviolence and goodness is a work in progress and those who once sinned can be redeemed, and those who seem all loving are revealed to be the opposite.

Countless examples of world leaders, spiritual figures and people seen as poster children for all that is good in the world; are often capable of causing immense harm at the same time. Is their good then invalid? I suppose for those living in a world of absolutes; there are no exceptions. Religion wants to make us choose, doctrine states that we can’t possibly be both, yet there is a dark spot in a sea of white and a white spot in a cloud of darkness.

Yin and Yang.

An ever present reminder that there are no absolutes, we are made of both darkness and light. In the same way a pimp can be a loving father, a revered humanitarian can be an abusing, controlling partner, and an addict can have a heart of gold; we are not monolithic, and capable of redemption and destruction.

In my life I have tried many times to see the good in people who rarely see it in themselves and unearth the darkness in seemingly nice people. We all try to construct an image of ourselves and others that is cut and dry, but within the crevices of our existence, lie the myriad of ways in which we are extremely complicated and multifaceted. Oftentimes we see only what we want to see.

Good and Bad are not extremes. They are not just clear cut choices. Because we are not just one or the other. We are both.

Wandering Child- The Journey

Somber mornings, built in longings, and the sea awaits. Crossings, passages, journeys of time, sublime aromas of a land that is my sacred place. Intoxicating smells of the past coming back to me at last. Long lost destiny starts with just one step, but I’ve been walking for miles and miles and I’m growing tired.

What do you do for yourself they ask. I have a task, herculean at best. There is no rest for my body tonight.

Frightful faces look at me as I smile, they must not have seen joy in a while. Staring in disbelief that someone can break the spell of misery, it’s not a mystery. Listen to my liturgy. Amen

Strange men pause their eyes one me.

Breaking the sanctity of my solidarity.

What the fuck are you looking at…My tongue gets caught in a reaction but I bite it hard.

I close my joy in a box to share with those who give it back.

It’s a rarity in these strange times. To find the sublime in the ordinary and mundane.

The rain keeps falling on the streets of familiarity, my old haunts. They fault me, chase me away.

Yet I return changed.

Memories streaming like the rivers formed by the first fall rain.

Athena is washed clean after a summer of debauchery and tourist delights.

They will soon go as they always do, to leave our land for us to clean up.

Fast forward to a quiet space. Against the race of time. It’s all mine now, this moment. Atonement for my sins. Quietly knocking down my resignation to this abomination this greed. I plant the seed to a new life, walking away from the past like a lion roaming the earth in search for a place to call home.

And then… silence awaits.

How Not to Fit In

Be a square peg in a round hole.

There is nothing more worrisome than predictability or more damning than fitting in.

If I were to start an advice column that would be its title. It would advise against prudence, predictability and letting things slide. Although anyone taking advice from me should probably check with their therapist first. I have never, ever fit in, and I have never had the desire to try. There was a very brief time in my early puberty when I convinced my mum to buy me a pair of Timberland boots and a puffy down filled jacket, because for whatever stupid reason, that was in fashion with the IN kids at the school I attended in Athens.

A year later I left the school to move to Western Massachusetts. To a fault, and deliberately I clash with the status quo, in ways that simply aren’t very forgiving at this stage of my life, and yet (there is always a yet); I am deeply in awe of people who are good at conforming, making due, and getting along. Sometimes I wish I could do that, but then I slap myself like Cher does and snap out of it.

I come from and was raised by a long legacy of women who world sacrifice everything instead of accepting their circumstance for the sake of convenience. Even though fitting in, going with the flow and just getting along would have been happily accepted by those around them; they broke the stereotype, every, single, time.

And here I am in my empty living room, boxes all around me; with the sound of a fan humming in the background; knowing full well, that living the life of a simpleton is not my cup of iced tea.

It took generations of women, ( and some men) before me; some still going against the grain, to instill in me the strongest desire to do better than what’s expected of me, differently, and often. Be something, and someone bloody different. The times of the what if’s and how comes are a waste of breath.

At the end of the day, our defining moments as humans are paved when we dare to transcend expectations. What saddens me the most about people and the choices they make, is not when they act differently than expected; because defying ones expectations of us, should be our greatest motivator; but when they react, respond and end up exactly as you thought. I’m more inclined to like someone when they defy society’s narrow view of them.

Men and women who have broken the stereotypes and moulds handed to them since the beginning of time, are the people I aspire to be like and learn from. What pushes you to move beyond the norm?

It’s been a while , since my last blog post, but I’ll defy expectations and get right back to that keyboard. If you care to see what I’ve published in the past feel free to pass by the posts section of the menu.

I’d love to hear your stories of defiance, small or large.

Be the Lion among the kitty cats lovelies.

What’s in a Lie

The Truth May Sting But a Lie Dis-empowers

Small ones, big lies, white lies, sweet little lies, big huge pile of shit lies. I’ve done it on occasion, I’ve been the recipient of all these; half truths, full on no connection to reality fabrications, and little ones that mask reality with just a tiny film of deception. Over the years, I’ve realized how much damage harsh truths can cause, but how much lasting damage lies create.

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

I have long held the conviction that; telling the truth about who I am, my life, my struggles, and my pain is the only way to be true to myself. Giving it straight to others despite the sting it might cause or initial discomfort it might bring is far more valuable than letting stuff slide, mucking about with the truth or strait up lying to someone; especially someone I love and care about. I’ve often heard others follow the mantra that it’s better to tell someone a little lie to save them momentary pain, disappointment or long term disillusionment, rather than telling it as it is. After many attempts at sugar coating, bending the truth or full on lying; I have found time and again that formula is not effective, or helpful. Even the smallest lie is incredibly damaging in the end. Honesty and vulnerability go hand in hand, whereas insecurity and dishonesty are strange bedfellows and often bicker behind each other’s backs. Someone will eventually sleep on the couch.

The Blue Pill conundrum

Telling the difference between the truth, half truth and a full on stinking lie requires a diligent mind. Calling out a lie at our day an age; is almost an act of bravery. Making the conscious choice to speak the truth no matter what, is about letting go of a lot of false comfort. I’ve never been comfortable with lies. I’ve never wanted to accept them as truths and dealing with people who readily dip into the pool of deception no matter how shallow unnerve me. Dishonesty is easy scapegoat. Choosing to see the truth, speak the truth and live the truth is a sacrifice, and a way of life; on the other hand ( as the Matrix so aptly shows) choosing to live (in) a lie, tell lies, accept lies as truth, and ignore lies when they are spoken is a very lonely existence. Knowing that the reality you see is false and still accepting it takes an enormous amount of self deprivation. Lies starve us, whereas truth no matter how harsh leads us to freedom.

The Lies we tell ourselves

We’ve seen the scenario, we’ve played the part often enough to know that lies to others, are lies to ourselves. The truth we conceal from others is the truth we don’t want to face. The repetition of self deception and deception of others is a cycle marred in self doubt. We lie because we don’t want to face reality, we conceal from ourselves because we can’t bear to see; and by creating deceptive images of ourselves to others often creates a far uglier picture than we’re willing to admit. Self knowledge requires self honesty, brutal, raw and unfiltered. Lying to ourselves creates distance, false comfort and ultimately a departure from reality in general. Facing our limitations, fears, shortcomings, problems and discomfort requires honesty, truth and transparency. Without that, who are we really but a story we create?

Fact, Fiction and Freedom

Well woven stories are all fine and good, but the truth is far more interesting in the end; because unlike a perfect tale; we don’t have to work hard to remember what’s true and what’s a fact. The line is all too often blurred by desire, insecurity, megalomania and greed. Every story however doesn’t have a happy ending, and reality is a testament to that. Be real, be truthful, be honest and the riches of those aspirations far outnumber the lies we create in the sacrificial altar of ourselves.

Like this article? — Please feel free to share and comment!

Want to read past articles and poems? Look no further 🙂 Check out past stories below

Letting go isn’t about giving up

Knowing when it’s time to leave things behind.

Timing is everything. We conjure up timing for our lives, loves, career choices and major life decisions. Timing is also important when choosing to let go of patterns, and self imposed identities, that no longer fit our narrative. Yes it is a matter of choice. Keeping things around that don’t fit, don’t represent who we are, and don’t add to our lives; is clutter, and we have the power to either allow them to exist without checking them or removing them from our sphere of influence. Knowing how to sift through what we need and what we don’t is a very personal and sometimes painful process.

What to keep what to let go

We all have a tendency to hold on to ideas, people, things, clothing, habits, and relationships; a little passed their due date. We get rid of food that can possibly poison us if we consume it, why not everything else? I will include myself in the Emotional Pack-rats, Memory Hoarders Anonymous (EPMHA) group. The notion that we are connected, or defined; by our stuff, our memories and our habits has been a constant source of curiosity for me in the last few years. I have held on to beliefs that no longer serve me, defined myself in a way that no longer holds true, and stuck to habits just because that’s the way I learned. In recent months I’ve shed a very harsh light on those stale stories of me and it has not been a pretty sight. (think uncooked chicken that’s been left out in the sun for a day)

Stop the Insanity

When we stop collecting and keeping up with worn out, and overused possessions, and reflections of ourselves; we make room for the ones we underestimate or undervalue. Undervaluing is also something that requires assessment when releasing old narratives that we cannot sustain or make room for any longer. Cleaning the closet, throwing out, putting away and airing out our lives is a difficult undertaking, but it’s far better than keeping shit around that no longer works. That being said; old doesn’t mean bad, and new doesn’t always mean good, but doing the same thing expecting a different result is… INSANITY.

Get a Grip/ Helping hand

Loosening our grip on our self imposed ideas, pain, and played out narrative, requires a little (a lot) of patience. Getting a strong hold on that which serves us and takes our lives to the next level; requires focus. We are the only ones who can let go of our old script, but this is not a monologue. We co-exist with others, and allowing others to lift us up, direct us towards the light and help find our inner guide; is the only true way to let go and become a better version of ourselves. One that we can be proud of, one that we can stand by, one that can thrive. Holding on to old, long debunked beliefs is often traumatizing and knowing that we can hold on when we lose our balance is absolutely imperative to finding that balance again. The beam doesn’t get any easier but deep knowing, and self knowledge comes with a community of like minded people who can give us a nudge when we need it the most.

I for one am thankful for that net (work) of hands available to hold me when I fall. Letting go isn’t about giving up; it’s about landing solidly on our feet when we fall and knowing that we can walk gallantly towards out best self.

The End Game- a poem

REUTERS/NASA/JPL-Caltech/Handout/File Photo


Sometimes I lay down and wonder what it would be like to be your wife…
Fuck no.
Thank the universal beings and celestial forces you are as far away from me
as possible.
Undoubtedly so.
You did me a favor
With your razor sharp wit.
I must admit, I thought you were hot shit.
But then the reality hit SMACK DAB in the center of your fantasy of me.
You see?
God is in the details they say and you’re just murky
Trust me.
It’s apparent.
I gave you consent over my body.
Not my mind.
You played that one of a kind,
pimp game.
The lie folded into half truths and lead me to assume
that you loved me.
It was all above me like a noose.
I get goosebumps when I think of the shit I would have done to lower myself to your level.
It’s undeniable how unreliable
The pussy is compared to the gut.
And in you strut,
like a homing device for my weakness my vice.
You slice precisely like a surgeon, my heart into a cavernous hole.
But then you underestimate my soul.
And here I am Whole.
Compete without distinction or defeat.
I spit at your feet.
Don’t deplete my space
I have erased you from my memory.
click — delete
complete without distinction or defeat.
​

The art of finding Joy

Joy is not a one time event, it’s a long term commitment. 

Do what makes you happy. Find joy in the little things. We’ve heard this over and over again, slapped on self-help books, motivational memes, and feel good posts on social media. Everything we do, or strive for is for the sake of happiness, joy, contentment, elation; that happy PLACE.
We often equate joy with major external changes, big dreams rather than what’s happening in the present moment.

For years I searched for the the big joys:

Receiving my degrees, getting my first real job, traveling to new and inspiring places, creating big art projects, taking and giving yoga retreats, throwing big parties, and the list goes on and on. All those things gave me joy, but all too often after the joy or newness was gone; I found myself seeking joy like some junkie looks for the next good fix. I tried to find it in other people, in pleasing others, in involving myself with the next fun adventure, but in the end the joy didn’t stick.

The fix wears off.

We get addicted to external joy and happiness in the same way we get addicted to the feeling of a drug induced euphoria ; we hope we really HOPE it will solve all our problems, BUT when the euphoria ends, the problems and the sense of emptiness remain.

When we are faced with the herculean task of finding and generating our own joy, the little things gain importance. The little things matter. I have been to countless coaches, healers, therapists and spirit guides, and the one thing they all have spoken about is finding your own inner joy. This however is not a quick fix scheme. It takes work, it takes effort, it takes… COMMITMENT… (yeah that one). And in the end we still don’t know if we will get the return on our investment.

With that perspective in mind; moments of joy can be treated as deposits in our own personal well being, that eventually will reflect back to us what we have given. If you are a miser with your joy, life will be a miser back. If you are stingy with the way you see the world, it will repay you with the same currency. Denying moments of personal joy because of circumstance, or financial worries, or “situations” eventually rob us from our personal quality of life. So here are my 10 + 1 list of Joy Tokens

10+1 Joy Tokens for everyday:

  • It’s a fine day — pick an inspiring place and go for a short walk. (It’s free)
  • Wake up or go to bed a half hour earlier and read something that inspires you or motivates you.
  • Make a small, simple meal out of maximum 3 ingredients.
  • The sun is out- sit in it for 10 minutes in silence, no phone or book.
  • Listen to your favorite song, artist, album all the way through like you would the first time
  • Look up!
  • If you have a cat or dog give love… receive love. Same goes for plants!
  • Spend one hour taking care of your body (stretch, exfoliate, take a long bath, paint your nails, shave, moisturize, etc.) Self care helps calm the parasympathetic nervous system and gives us a sense of calm. GUYS TOO!
  • Give joy to someone else — give someone (even a stranger) a compliment, give a hug, make someone laugh.
  • Walk barefoot in grass, sand, or in nature.
  • Write down what gives you joy and share this exercise with others.

Try these or your money back!

Share some joy, in these trying times we all need it, but most importantly, much like energy; joy is neither created or destroyed; it’s amplified. Feel free to share, comment and pass this post on.

If you want to go back and read part of my 27 post challenge check the posts below.
Featured Image by : Eric Snell Design- Find him at
https://www.esnelldesign.com/

Day 27. A poem for my young self.

A celebration in verse

I wrote a poem to my newborn self. Something of a reflection in time and what I would say to her if she were in my arms today. Here is the English version with a Greek one to follow. I want to thank you all for following my 27 post challenge. I will continue to post interesting and provocative work in the year to come. Join me and feel free to share and comment.

Namaste

E.


If I were to gaze upon my younger self I would give her the warmest embrace.
Welcome to this crazy world we live in kiddo.
Pleased to meet you amazing girl with the caramel curls and those eyes so green they’re like
a thousand olive trees, swishing in the wind.

If I were to whisper to my young self, I would tell her how much I love every single part of her. Nothing is flawed nothing is tainted, you’re perfect.
You are worth it.
Every single day.

If I were to meet my newborn self I would tell her that she has more strength in her little finger than 10 men combined. You’re a superhero.
Damn girl you gonna take over the world.
And then I would twirl with her in my arms till she giggled a little.

If I were to speak to my newborn self I would say to her: never doubt your heart and mind.
You are one of kind. A diamond in the rough, so tough
Yet soft and delicate like a spring flower.
You won’t cower to the ones telling you what and how to be.
No way no how.
You will fight like an amazon and honor your tribe.
Your tribe is your people, your friends, your lovers your mother and father.
Some will betray you and lose your trust but never let your heart get tough.
Be soft with those who don’t get it and don’t let it steal your compassion and passion for life.
There will be strife.

People will want to hurt you because they can’t love themselves.
But remember you are my star in the sky.
I look at you for wisdom because you don’t let anyone break your stride.
You are fiiiiine sister, don’t let anyone get outta line.
I worship the ground you tread on, because you’re in my head telling me what is right and what is wrong.
You don’t falter. You know damn well where you want to go.
Don’t let go of your dreams sister.
Don’t let go of your innocence your laughter.

No one can come after that.
Like a drop of a hat.
I fell for you.
Those dimples they cripple me as I stare at your infinite beauty.

Beautiful girl with the caramel curls and eyes so green thy’re like a field of olive trees
Swishing in the wind.


Αν θα μπορούσα να αντικρίσω τον νεογέννητο μου εαυτό.
Θα με αγκάλιαζα με τόση αγάπη που θα με νιώθω ακόμα και όταν δεν είμαι εκεί
Αν θα μπορούσα να ψιθυρίσω στο νεογέννητο μου εαυτό.
Θα έλεγα: θα σε αγαπήσω όσο κανείς άλλος στο κόσμο.
Αν θα μπορούσα να συναντήσω το νεογέννητο κορίτσι που είμαι, εγώ
Θα της έδειχνα πόση δύναμη έχει στο μικρό της δαχτυλάκι
Θα της έλεγα πόσο αντέχει στις δυσκολίες και στο πόνο όσο κανένας άλλος εδώ
Όχι δε θα της έλεγα ψέματα.
Δε θα της έλυνα όλα τα θέματα
Είσαι πιό δυνατή από αυτό.

Αν θα μπορούσα να μιλήσω στο νεογέννητο μου εαυτό
Θα της έλεγα…

Είσαι υπέροχη έτσι όπως είσαι
Θα ξαφνιάσεις πολλούς και δεν θα μπορέσουν να σε κατανοήσουν.
Μα μη πτοείσαι.
Δεν είσαι για τους λιποψυχους εσύ  
Με τη μπούκλα τη ξανθιά θα αφήνεις ανέμελα τα μαλλιά σου να ανεμίζουν
Όσο ατενίζεις ενδιαφέρουσες πόλεις και προορισμούς.
Για φαντάσου!
Θα ταξιδέψεις, θα ονειρευτείς θα αγαπήσεις
Αλλά θα τη πατήσεις

Γιατί θα ξεχασεις πόσο μοναδική είσαι.
Αλλά θα είμαι εκεί να στο ξαναθυμίσω
Θα σβήσεις από μέσα σου κάθε οργή και θλίψη και
Θα ξανα αγαπήσεις.

Χωρίς ποιήματα κορίτσι δεν έχει ενδιαφέρον η ζωή
Πέσε με τα μούτρα στον έρωτα
Πέσε με τα μούτρα στην ηδονή
Διάβασε τα πάντα

Αγάπησε τους πάντες και ας μη σου δίνουν τίποτα για αντάλλαγμα
Δε χρειάζεται συνάλλαγμα συναισθημάτων εσύ
Εκεί….!

Δείξε υπομονή στους κόλακες και στους φτωχούς της ψυχής
Δε ξέρουν από μας.
Αλλά δε πειράζει.

Και ο πιό κακός αλλάζει χαρτί.
Γιατί το φως είναι πιο δυνατό από το σκοτάδι.

Και θα σου έδινα ένα χάδι στο μάγουλο με τη μικρή ελίτσα στο στόμα
Αυτή πού είχες από μικρή
Πού κάπου αχνοφαίνεται ακόμα.
Ακόμα.

Και θα με κοιτάξεις με αυτά τα υπέροχα πράσινα μάτια
Και θα σε ερωτευτώ.

Με τη μπούκλα καραμέλα και τα μάτια πράσινα σα χιλιάδες δέντρα ελιάς.
Μονομιάς σε αγάπησα χωρίς δεύτερη σκέψη.